Follow Up To: How To Have Difficult Discussions

The comment, below, came as a follow up to the previous post titled, “How To Have Difficult Discussions.”  It is provided here with the consent of the person who posted the comment.

Comment:

I sure appreciate the humor in that comment, but would you agree that some things are better left unsaid? If my opinion is not requested then I assume, in most cases, that it's unwanted. (comments posted on Facebook are an assumed invitation for my opinion-lol!) I also try to think ahead to whether or not there's a positive benefit to me saying something. If the discussion will not result in positive action or response, then it's probably better left alone.

In your line of work, I'd suspect that you're often asked for your opinion and guidance. I imagine one of the hardest things is not that someone would be angered by your words, but that those words would fall on deaf ears and you can only watch that person continue to struggle. Thoughts? (that's me asking for your opinion-hahahaha)

--Nina Russell Korcheck

My Response:

Yes, I agree Nina.  It can depend on the circumstances but, in general, when opinions are not requested it’s often best not to offer our opinions.  When our opinions are not requested they are typically not received, anyhow.

But, again, this really depends on the situation.  In my original post I was referring to those situations where truth genuinely needs to be spoken even though it may be the case that a person does not want to hear the truth.  Ironically this can be an act of great love that winds up being unappreciated or even—in a certain sense—being punished… thus my joke about just leaving town, since that would be much easier.

It’s interesting that you mention my line of work, in this regard.  There have been many, many times when people have come to talk with me and in the course of our time together have never asked for my opinion.  I think it’s possible that sometimes they don’t ask because they assume that they already know what my opinion will be.  So, they talk and I listen, then they tell me, “I feel much better, now” and we’re done.

I think one of the primary factors involved in this topic is that people (this includes all of us) have a hard time really hearing and coming to grips with things that we don’t want to hear.  To face hard truths requires maturity and an admirable amount of self-honesty.

The longer I serve in leadership positions, more impressed I am with people who are willing to graciously, respectfully hear and accept difficult truths.

--Dan Marler

How To Have Difficult Discussions

There are discussions that I need to have with people, occasionally, that will be difficult. I’m pretty certain, before we even speak, that there will be some resistance and defensiveness.  But I also know that the truth needs to be spoken.  The loving thing to do is to speak the truth.  So, I take some deep breaths, I pray and ask for God’s strength and help, and then I move to a new state and begin working at a different church.

Jesus Taught To Change Lives

Here is an excerpt from a fantastic book I’m currently reading…

“Jesus taught to change lives. In the educational system of our day, we tend to think of teaching as the transfer of information. The teacher pours information into the student like pouring water into an empty jug, and the student is evaluated by one thing only: can he parrot back what the teacher said?

“The number one question in any class is (if you’re a teacher you know this), ‘Will this be on the final?’ We all take notes so we can remember until the final exam.

“No one took notes when Jesus taught. Why? Because it is natural to automatically remember what changes our lives. If you were around on 9/11 or when Present John Kennedy was assassinated or when Pearl Harbor got attacked, you remember.”

From, “Who Is This Man?” – John Ortberg

When There's No Point In Talking Anymore

Sometimes a person wants to argue or debate just because they’re ornery and no amount of rational discussion or logic will affect their position.  In this case, it’s probably wise to respectfully excuse yourself from the discussion and go do something more constructive like sit in a dark room with your eyes closed.

Spiritual Leaders Who Don't Really Like Jesus

The Sanhedrin was the religious ruling body during the time of Jesus.  They were comprised of two groups, the Sadducees and the Pharisees.  They were the spiritual leaders.  Interestingly, they didn’t like Jesus.  It seems that people who are “religious”—but their religion is primarily an outward show and not a matter of the heart—don’t tend to like Jesus that much.

Bringing The Light of God

“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matt. 5:15&16.  Thank you for bringing the light of God’s goodness, truth, grace and glory to the people you encounter today!

Speaking The Truth

Even if we speak the truth in loving ways there will still be some who will get upset. Lovingly speak the truth, anyhow.

Jesus Encounters The Woman At The Well, Pt. 1, Never Thirst Again -- Audio Podcast

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What's Really Important?

Jesus often said things to help us put life into a healthy perspective and think about what is really important.  For example, “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?” Matthew 16:26.  The truth this question leads us to is significant.  I humbly challenge us to acknowledge it and embrace it.

I'm Impressed With Walgreens

Wow, I’m impressed with Walgreens.

This is probably going to sound like a commercial and that’s not my intention.  I just find it to be an interesting experience.

Earlier today I was picking up some things at Walgreens and among those items was heartburn medicine.  I’m aware that certain medications—even though they are “over the counter”—are kept in a place where assistance is required from a store employee in order to access them.  I suspect that typically is the case with medications that contain ingredients that are more susceptible to abuse of some kind.

Frankly, I don’t know what ingredients are found in heartburn medications but my uneducated guess is that it’s not something that would be any more dangerous than the hundreds of other medications that are not locked up in the store’s aisles.

I requested assistance for the item in question and a store employee quickly arrived with a key and was able to provide the medication to me.

As I walked out to my car when I left the store, I pondered the heartburn medicines being locked up and I thought it was sort of amusing.  I thought, “Do they really have to lock up that kind of medication?”

So, in my wise-guy fashion, I sent out a Tweet that read:  “Does heartburn medication really have to be kept under lock and key at Walgreens? Is it dangerous for it to fall into the wrong hands?”

I wasn’t actually angry.  Seriously.  The Tweet was more of a joke, in my mind.  I thought I was being fairly clever.

I must admit, I was very surprised when, less than 20 minutes later, I saw a Tweet from something called “Wallgreens Social Care” ( @WAGSocialCare ).  The Tweet was addressed to my Twitter name ( @danmarler ) and it read:  “Sry to hear this. Pls provide store location and your contact info. We can have mgmt address this. Thanks, Pam.”

Walgreens immediately attempted to address the issue raised in my Tweet in order to turn a “complainer” into a satisfied customer.  But my Tweet was—at the most—a mild complaint.  It actually had more to do with me being a wise guy and joking around.

With that in mind, I’m going send a Tweet with a link to this blog post to Pam at Walgreens Social Care.

So Pam, thank you for seeking to help me and for responding so quickly to my Tweet.  I’m surprised.  I’m impressed.  I had no idea that anyone would be tracking such a thing or that anyone would care.  In fact, I always assume that about 99% of my Tweets are never seen by anyone… except God (He sees everything, after all).  Now I feel bad because I was just being a wise guy and trying to amuse myself.  Pam, please don’t feel like you have to call the management of my local Walgreens, they’re doing a fine job.  And you’re doing a fine job, too.  Tell your supervisor I’m recommending that you get a raise.  (In fact, I’ll send him/her a Tweet if that will help…although, come to think of it, my Tweets have been known to stir up trouble.)

Hmm, I think it’s about time for me to go pop one of those heartburn pills.

Experiencing Joy

The Bible tells us that we can experience authentic joy in Christ.  Have you experienced this joy?  That’s my hope and prayer for each of you today.  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

God Can Always Handle The Truth

It’s too bad when anyone falls into patterns of phoniness when it comes to faith in God.  Phoniness is too bad because the Person who matters the most cannot be fooled and, frankly, we don’t need to fool Him because He already knows the whole truth, anyhow.  It’s always good, right and appropriate to simply present the whole truth about who we are to God.  Don’t worry, He can handle it.

E-Flash From Dan, Aug. 24, 2012

Dear E-Flash Friends;

Have you ever known someone who was restlessly chasing after this and that in a seemingly endless attempt to find some type of lasting satisfaction in life?  It’s not an uncommon scenario and I suspect it could describe all of us at one time or another.

This is a reality that is recognized in the Bible.  And the well known Bible story of the woman whom Jesus encounters at the well touches on this aspect of life.

That’s what we are going to be talking about this Sunday and I hope you are planning to be here.  Jesus’ encounter with this woman provides some great truths for all of us.  And if you were wondering, the answer is: Yes!  Yes, the worship team is planning a wonderful time of praise.  They definitely know how to deliver the goods, right?  

I’m already trusting that God is going to do great things.  In fact, I got really excited for a moment, there, and I’m having to sit back down and take a few deep breaths.

Please remember that our Fall Kick Off is coming up on September 16^th.  The Kick Off is titled:  A Fresh Start And A New Journey.  And that’s what we’re planning to do as a church.  Would you please pray for our church?  And pray that God will open up opportunities for us to invite people to the Fall Kick Off?  I can picture us starting our fall season this year with the church full of people who are anxious to learn about God, connect with Him and experience His activity in their lives.

Also, on Wednesday, September 19^th, we will begin our newly expanded Next Step discipleship time.  We are increasing the time for Next Step because we want to add some other elements that are helpful and important for our discipleship experience.  For example, we want to spend more time together sharing meals and fellowship.  We will be spending a little more time in prayer and more time praising God in song.

So, Next Step will have a new starting time of 6pm on Sept. 19^th.  I’m inviting you to come and be a part of this terrific discipleship time.  We realize that 6 o’clock is early for some of us and there will be folks who won’t be able to make it at 6pm.  We encourage you to come when you can get here.  You will be able to plug in to what’s happening if you arrive at 6:30 or 7pm, as well.

There’s more that I can tell you, but that’s enough for now.

Hope you’ve been having a good week.  Looking forward to seeing you Sunday.

Love and blessings,

Dan

Winners And Losers

Jesus spent a lot of time with people who would have been considered “losers” and He directed His harshest words at people who would have been considered the “winners” in His culture.  It makes you wonder, huh?  Perhaps some of the people we think of as big time winners might be losers and the ones we think of as losers might be winners, after all.  “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” –Jesus, Matt. 5:3.

Christianity, A Relationship

Throughout my life I have heard the Christian faith spoken of as a relational matter.  The understanding of Christianity is that we are invited into a relationship with Christ.  Our connection with Jesus is first-hand, it’s personal, it’s vital.  I like how Ravi Zacharias puts it:  “The gospel is an invitation to a relationship, not a legal summons to a hearing.”

John Says, "He Must Increase, I Must Decrease." -- Audio Podcast

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What Can We Really Count On?

Here’s a very good question to seriously consider:  When it’s all said and done, what in this world can we really count on?  I believe Jesus’ answer to that question would be this:  We can truly count on God and His kingdom.  “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” –Jesus (Matthew 6:33).

We Must Conform To Him

It’s important for us to resist the temptation to make Jesus into someone who simply conforms to our desires to make our lives more comfortable. One of our goals is to accept Jesus for who He really is.  We must conform to Him.  His standards.  His ways.  His plans. His call on our lives.

Good Deeds With Right Motives

It’s helpful if we do good deeds with the right motives.  Jesus said, “Don’t do your good deeds publicly to be admired by others…” Matt. 6:1. He went on to say, “When you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.”  When we do good deeds a healthy approach would be: “Boy, God has been so incredibly good to me that I just want to quietly and discreetly share that blessing with others.”

Making Something Out of Nothing

Sometimes people make something out of nothing.

If it’s nothing, it’s a waste of everyone’s time to try to make something out of it.

If it really is something, then that’s different because that’s making something out of something which seems quite reasonable.

But nothing, as we all know, is just that: it’s nothing.  And the attempt to make something out of it consists of a lot of useless effort which ultimately results in nothing because nothing doesn’t provide the raw material with which to make something.

I guess it’s pretty easy to tell, by now, that this post is nothing.  So let’s not make anything of it.  You know what I mean?

Go ahead and continue on with whatever you were doing.

P.S.  This is the kind of nonsense that my mind conjures up when I’m reading something sort of boring.

Growing Toward Maturity

“[God] knows that we will not ultimately be happy or fulfilled unless we are growing toward maturity in him.  So he continually invites us to set aside the temporary, immediate pleasures to work toward a long-term joy that is beyond measure.” --Alan Kent Scholes.

Sadness At The Passing of Joey Kovar

On January 29^th of this year, Joey Kovar was baptized in our church.  Almost 7 months later, at 29 years of age, he is gone.  Having received the news a few hours ago, I am sitting here a bit shocked and also deeply saddened.  As I read numerous comments on the internet it is clear that many others are saddened, as well.

Joey had accepted Christ, been baptized, and had—for a time at least—turned from some of the unhealthy and destructive pursuits that had been a fairly well known part of his life.  In my conversations with Joey I came to believe that his experience with God was absolutely genuine.  I still believe that’s the case.

So, what happened then?  Where is God in something like this?

God was with Joey.  And I believe that Joey is now with God.  I don’t say that lightly.  I realize it sounds like one of those unsatisfying “pat” answers that Christians express at a time like this.  Please understand that I say God was with Joey and that Joey is now with God quite earnestly and soberly, and after some reflection on the matter.

When we begin to walk with God, even though we have His presence and His power available to us, we still have the capacity to make choices.  There is not a point—at least, during this time on earth—where we do not have the ability to exercise our free will. 

I don’t know if the cause of Joey’s death has been officially determined, yet, but his past is well known and there seem to be indications from folks who know him that destructive choices may have been involved.

We can always make choices.  It is part of what makes us human and, of course, it is part of what makes us fallible.  With God’s help, we are actually empowered to make good, positive, life-enhancing, healthy choices.  However, the possibility always remains for us to make unhealthy choices.

I do not mean to reduce Joey’s life to a moral illustration for us.  His life is far more than that.  He is a human being who was knit together in his mother’s womb by a loving God.  He is a precious soul for whom Jesus died.  He is a person of value, worth and dignity because he was created, like you and I, in the image of Almighty God.  Every life that has ever been lived is far more than simply material for crafting moral lessons.

But whenever we grieve the loss of a young life, we inevitably wonder.  Our minds search for answers and meanings.  We try to make sense of things which are sometimes seemingly quite senseless.  And, so, the questions come, along with our attempts at answers.

Of course, we’ll never have all the answers to some of those deep and profound questions on this side of eternity but there is comfort and help in the truth that we can walk closely with the One who does know.

Joey walked with Him.  There were struggles, but the relationship with God was real.  And it continues to be real, right now.   I’m eternally grateful for that reality.

My love and prayers go out to his family.

Dan Marler

E-Flash From Dan, August 17, 2012

A Fresh Start And A New Journey

Dear E-Flash Friends;

Powerful things will often happen when a local body of believers gets fired up, motivated, and committed to the work of advancing the church and advancing God’s kingdom.

I can tell you without exaggeration that God has used the church here in Oak Lawn to completely alter the course of my life.  That sounds like I’m laying it on thick, but it is the truth.  And I know that God has used this church to bring positive spiritual change to the lives of many of those who are reading this message.

With that in mind, I hope you will begin praying about our Fall Kick-Off services which are happening on Sunday, September 16^th.  I believe that God is leading us to invite individuals that we know to “A Fresh Start and a New Journey” and I believe that God is leading us, as a church, to be making some fresh starts and renew our journey together with Him.

Will you, please, make this a matter of prayer in your life?

Even now we are looking at offering a new opportunity for learning and spiritual growth on Sunday mornings.  (More details to come.)

Our Children’s Ministry will be launching a new theme designed to teach our kids Bible stories and values in a fun way.

We have been working at retooling our Wednesday night time with a view toward more intentional discipleship.  (We have more details coming on this, as well.)

Our Youth Ministry is working on a special outreach to students.

I’m excited and I’m trusting that God will do mighty things!  We have invitation cards with basic information about our Fall Kick Off services on our literature table.  Please feel free to take those cards and distribute them freely. 

And, again, I’m hoping that we will all make this a matter of persistent prayer.  Pray for the services.  Pray for our church.  Pray for our church leaders.  Pray that we will recognize the truth and power of God in our lives.  Pray that God will bring people our way.  Pray that we will have opportunities to invite. 

Then let’s take the risk of making an invitation.

This is a wonderful church.  I am already believing and trusting that God is going to work through us in some fresh new ways.  Thank you for being a part of it!

I love you all very much!

Blessings,

Dan

P.S.  Just a little reminder that we will be coming to the Lord’s Table for Communion this Sunday (Aug. 19^th).  Let’s come with hearts joyfully prepared to enter into this important and sacred time together.  See you Sunday!

Don't Chase Money And Neglect Your Soul

We, obviously, need money to get along in this world.  No one denies that reality.  But it would be both sad and foolish for a person to accumulate great material wealth and, in the process, end up neglecting God.  “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” Mark 8:36.  

Conscience Is A Good Thing

God created us with a conscience.  This is a very good thing because our conscience signals within our hearts a realization and awareness of right and wrong.    Our conscience can make us feel uncomfortable.  But be glad for that discomfort.  It means that a sensitivity to God and His truth is alive in us.

My Weakness And God's Strength

It’s very difficult for me to come to grips with this reality, however, the strange truth is that my weaknesses are exactly the places in my life where the power of God can be most brilliantly and effectively displayed.  God told Paul, “My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.”  2Cor. 12:9.

When Faith And Politics Meet

I’m often amused when I hear politicians try to talk about their faith in God and it comes out sounding like someone repeating a poorly memorized answer to an oral quiz.  …But that’s probably just me.  I’m easily amused.

It's Good When We Pray For Each other

There is a positive work that happens in our hearts—an increase in compassion, caring, sympathy, and graciousness—when we pray for each other.  So let’s continue to lift each other up in prayer.  “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Ephesians 6:18

God's Agenda For Today

God has some things for you and I to do today… that’s why we’re here.  What God has for us involves loving Him and extending kindness and love to others.  If we do what He has for us to do, it will bring Him glory, that’s an important aspect of the mission, too!  I hope that in the midst of all this your day is filled with joy!

Happiness Apart From God Is Not There

Sometimes people are frustrated because they are searching for happiness without God in their lives.  C.S. Lewis suggests that such an endeavor is not possible.  He puts it this way: “God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there.  There is no such thing.” C.S. Lewis

An Incredible Thing to Say: "Father Forgive Them..."

On the cross, Jesus said about people who were executing Him: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”   I’ve read these words hundreds of times but when I heard them spoken again this week—in a powerful talk that was given about Jesus—I was astonished, impressed, and deeply moved all over again.  He is the most incredible person who has ever lived!

Discerning Between Truth And Falsehood

Jesus told His disciples that the Holy Spirit would guide them into all truth. When those of us who are followers of Christ are able to accurately discern between falsehood and truth, that discernment is a work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Determining What We Really Care About

There’s an old insight which tells us that one of the best ways of determining what’s really important to us is to answer these two questions:  Where do I spend my time?  And, where do I spend my money?  The answer to these two questions will provide a strong indication of what we really care about.

God Stories 6 Podcast

Audio podcast.  I interview Michael Cheshire, pastor and author of the book, "How To Knock Over A 7-Eleven and Other Ministry Training.."  It's fun.

Take a listen!

              Click here for audio!

Knowing That You Have Eternal Life

There are aspects of our life that are puzzling, confusing and uncertain.  And, of course, this can be troubling and painful for us.  But the good news is that we can be certain of this: if we believe in Christ Jesus and we’re trusting in Him for salvation, we can know that we have eternal life.  “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.” 1John 5:13.

Jesus Says: You Must Be Born Again -- Audio Podcast

Check out this message from John 3:1-15.

             Click here for audio!

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Expecting To Encounter God

Do you honestly expect God to be involved in your life?  Or does that seem like a pretty far fetched notion?  There’s a good possibility that we will recognize His authentic involvement in our lives more readily when we genuinely expect to encounter His presence and activity.

Brighten Someone's Day

Every now and then we have the great privilege in life of bringing laughter and a smile to someone.  To brighten someone else’s day in this manner is one of the wonderful blessings that we can experience.  My prayer is that we would be agents of love, truth, and joy today.

Pursuing Wisdom

It will be beneficial to us if we will appreciate, pursue and acquire genuine wisdom.  “He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers.” Proverbs 19:8. The foundation upon which true wisdom rests is reverence, awe and respect for God.  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom…”  Proverbs 9:10.

Being Ready

We’re all checking out of here.  Some of us are going sooner and some are going later, but we’re all going.  I don’t write this so that you will be sad.  I write this so that you will be ready.  (There’s a big difference between the two.)  In fact, knowing that we are ready is actually a tremendous source of joy and peace!  How are we ready?  By knowing Jesus and trusting in Him for eternal life.

Podcast for 8/3/12 -- Audio Podcast

I talk with Vic about writing at McDonald's and about persevering in prayer.
Take a listen!

             Click here for audio!

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A Humble Reminder: God's Timing Is Always Right

Sometimes we can get frustrated and feel like God needs to get things happening more quickly.  We might have thoughts like this:  “What is He doing?  Why is this taking so long?  Does He even care?”  Many of us have had a few moments where we’ve entertained these types of thoughts.  So, this is just a humble, loving reminder (to myself, also) that God’s timing is always right.

Do We Trust Jesus?

Jesus says that the life we’re looking for—real life—is not found in our schemes, ideas, and restless strivings, rather, life is found in dying to self and surrendering to him.  “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” –Jesus, Matt.16:25.  The question this challenge forces us to wrestle with is: Do we really trust Jesus?

Jesus Clears The Temple -- Audio Podcast

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Some Opinions Are Better Than Others

Yes, everyone is allowed to have an opinion.  But that doesn’t mean that everyone’s opinion is equally helpful, knowledgeable, or valid on a particular subject.  This isn’t intended to be mean, it’s just intended to be truthful: some opinions are better than others when it comes to certain subjects.   …But, of course, that’s just my opinion!