What is a psychological Benjamin Button?

 

A person of character and maturity can rejoice with those who rejoice.

Is there anyone with some maturity in the room?

Loving Those Who Are Not Easy To Love

There are people with whom we do not naturally connect. In fact, there will be some people in the course of life who will just simply rub us the wrong way. We may not even be able to explain why we feel the way we do, we just recognize that certain people are irritating to us.

The love of God alive in us can help us to love these people.

You might be thinking, “Well, here we go. Dan is really losing it, again.” And I will grant this is not easy. This love of God for those who are not easy to love involves a level of maturity and wisdom that—I regret to admit—some Christians never attain on this side of eternity. (Wisdom does not come automatically with age and it is not inevitable. Unfortunately, it is possible for a person to grow old but never become wise.)

This kind of love which goes beyond our natural inclinations will also involve a work of the Holy Spirit in us. We don’t muster this up through our will power. In the book of 1 John 4:19, we find these words: “We love because he [God] first loved us.” God is the initiator of love, He is the source of real love.

When God’s love is alive in us, however, then the love of God can be experienced and expressed through us, even for those who would not be easy for us to love under natural circumstances.

Debating The Issues In Civil, Reasonable and Respectful Ways

A friend sent me a message recently about a matter over which there has been a long history of debate within Christianity.  At the end of his message—after writing some thoughts in which he considered both sides of the debate—he offered the opinion that Christians should learn to put aside differences and focus on the basics of the faith. It was a good thought.

I happen to believe there can be value in debating different points of view. I even enjoy this give and take of ideas from time to time. I find it to be fun. (Come to think of it, this may be why I am not known as the “life of the party” in most social circles.) But I have discovered sometimes people are so invested in their position on a matter that they have difficulty hearing the expression of other points of view.

Occasionally, what happens is these folks cannot engage in the debate without becoming unreasonably angry. It can even get to the point that the angry party launches a verbal attack on the person with whom they disagree.

FYI:  A theological discussion should almost never involve someone jumping up and down, rolling around on the ground, and throwing chairs or other pieces of furniture.

It is a mark of maturity when people learn to talk about matters over which they disagree in civil, reasonable and respectful ways.

Fighting Against Reality Is Futile

We send the message in a number of subtle and not-so-subtle ways in our culture that it is possible to live in immature and irresponsible ways and, yet, avoid negative consequences. This is not good, it is not compassionate (though it often pretends to be) and it is not helpful.

It does not matter if we dress up immature and irresponsible behavior in academic jargon or fancy-sounding cultural buzz-words because the behavior will ultimately bump up against reality.

This is a certainty which I encourage you to believe: Whenever a person tries to “pull-one-over” on reality the person, ultimately, pays a difficult price.

Likewise, whenever a culture tries to “pull-one-over” on reality the culture, ultimately, pays a difficult price.

“For we are each responsible for our own conduct.”  Galatians 6:5

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”  Galatians 6:7

The Importance of Helping To Develop The Gifts of Others

When we see talents, aptitudes, skills and possibilities in others and help them recognize those things in themselves we are assisting in the development of that person. This is an important part of what it means to live responsibly. Interestingly, this kind of action which helps others is also helpful to our own growth and maturity.

The People Who Think They Are Always Right

There are people who see the world like this:  “I’m always right and anyone who disagrees with me is—by definition—wrong because they are disagreeing with me and I’m always right.”  In addition to being incredibly tiring, people like this are immature no matter how old they are.

Sophistication Is Not The Same As Wisdom

Because of their exposure to technology and other factors, young people today may be amazingly sophisticated at an early age.  However, it’s helpful for us to keep in mind that there is an important distinction between sophistication and attributes like wisdom and maturity.

Healthy Relationships: Love, Generosity, Maturity, Grace

There’s a stubbornness and a selfishness that we can adopt that gets in the way of healthy relationships—including our relationship with God.  The best life we can live—the abundant life that God has for us—involves relating with others with love, generosity, maturity and grace.

The Way In Which We Receive Difficult Truths

When we are confronted with truth about ourselves that we might not be too happy to hear or acknowledge, the way we receive that truth says a lot about our level of maturity.

Growing Toward Maturity

“[God] knows that we will not ultimately be happy or fulfilled unless we are growing toward maturity in him.  So he continually invites us to set aside the temporary, immediate pleasures to work toward a long-term joy that is beyond measure.” --Alan Kent Scholes.

Q & A -- Do We Need To Work On Ourselves In Order To Provide Leadership To Others?

Question: 

I heard a Christian speaker say that we need to “work on ourselves” before we can lead others.  But that doesn’t sound right to me.  Isn’t working on ourselves an inherently selfish thing to do?  Jesus said that leaders are supposed to be humble.

Answer: 

I suppose working on ourselves can become a form of selfishness, because we have the ability to take just about any pursuit to the point where it becomes unhealthy. 

(I made a trip to the gym unhealthy, one time.  It involved a deep fryer and several packages of Twinkies.)

However, the idea of working on ourselves could be understood to mean that we are actively pursuing spiritual growth and maturity, i.e., becoming more like Christ.  Hebrews chapter 12, vs. 1, tells us: “…Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”  This is speaking of spiritual discipline using the metaphor of a long race.  It’s a form of working on ourselves.  In this case, working on ourselves would, obviously, be good and it would be important to spiritual leadership.

Sometimes Christian teachers will attempt to give insight and help involving aspects of life in Christ that they have not personally experienced.  I heard a Christian teacher refer to this as the preaching of “rumors and innuendo”.  (That’s a pretty effective way of putting it.)  Working on ourselves becomes critical because there is a sense in which we cannot lead people very capably into areas where we have not gone ourselves. 

So, although it may sound selfish, working on ourselves is actually an aspect of becoming the kind of person who can genuinely lead and assist others.

The Humility and Maturity of John The Baptist

At a certain point, John The Baptist’s once-large crowds began to dwindle and Jesus’ crowds were growing. John was not bothered by this. He said about Jesus, matter-of-factly, “He must increase and I must decrease.” Whenever I read this, I am moved and impressed by John’s humility, understanding, and maturity.

Don't Cause A Brother Or Sister To Stumble

There’s an idea mentioned in scripture that teaches followers of Christ to avoid doing things that might cause another person to “stumble” in his/her relationship with God. This requires us to be unselfish and truly concerned about the spiritual welfare of others. It requires maturity.

Sometimes Love Will Involve A Bit More Maturity

Is it possible that loving certain people in our lives will take time?  Yes it is, because to love certain people may require a pretty good measure of maturity, and maturity takes time.  But this is not a justification for being unloving, rather, it is a reminder and a word of encouragement for pursuing a mature faith in Christ.

Do Not Be Hasty In Appointing Leaders? Q & A

The following question was sent to me.  With permission from the sender, I am posting the question, along with my response.

Question:  

I have a question about scripture. In 1 Tim. 5:22, Paul says "Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands". Why? My study note says this refers to the choosing of church leaders, but that doesn't make any sense to me.

Answer: 

I can’t say that I’m positive about this, but when we are instructed not to be hasty about appointing church leaders, I think it probably has something to do with being careful about exposing people to “disappointment” while they are still young in the faith. 

Let me explain…

When a person accepts a church leadership role, that person is usually exposed, by virtue of the position, to things in the church which may be unpleasant.  For example, in a leadership role it is likely that the person will, at some point, be involved in some type of conflict resolution between people in the church.  And the sad reality is that this new leader will quite possibly see people—who he/she had thought were mature Christians—behaving in selfish, unloving, ungracious, immature ways.

Again, the point is that this kind of experience can be unsettling and very disappointing to someone who is new to the faith.

I hate to even write something like this, but it is the sad reality of flawed human beings—even Christians.  Will the new leader see people, with God’s help, rise above this kind of immaturity, sometimes?  Yes, of course, he will!  Thank God!  But, not always.

The new leader won’t see these disappointing types of things all the time, and he or she will also see wonderful acts of generosity and kindness and grace.  But the reality is that people in the church don’t always behave in the ways that God calls us to behave and leaders often see more of this than others.

This is not an attempt to hide things from people or to be deceptive.  In fact, often disagreements between people or other types of trouble in the church become known by others, anyhow.  But wisdom seems to suggest that these leadership roles—in which a person may be exposed to difficulties and petty behaviors and disappointing words and actions by other Christians—need to be filled by spiritually mature people who can handle seeing this type of thing without becoming too rattled, or having his/her faith shaken.

So, there is wisdom in appointing people to leadership who have some “seasoning” in both the church, and in life, and in living the faith.  The leadership person needs to be firmly rooted in the faith.  The person needs to be spiritually mature (this does not necessarily mean “elderly” in terms of age).  The person needs to understand that people—even Christians—can be deeply flawed and hurt each other. 

Think about the leadership qualities and insights that are mentioned above.  They take time to develop, don’t they?  These qualities and insights don’t, usually, come quickly.  That’s why, in my opinion, we are instructed not to be “hasty” in appointing leaders.

When "Being Dependent" Is A Sign Of Maturity

When is “being dependent” a sign of maturity?  Answer:  When we welcome dependence as a normal part of the human condition and recognize that God is the ultimate supplier of every need.  And when we willingly acknowledge, in our dependence, our need for others and understand that this interdependency is part of God’s plan for healthy community.  That’s when being dependent is a sign of maturity.

How Do We Resolve Disagreements?

When we really love someone we’re willing to work through disagreements with humility and patience and graciousness. The question is not: How can we avoid disagreements?  Humans will have disagreements—even those who love each other. (We might even say, “especially” those who love each other.) The question is: Can we resolve our disagreements in a healthy, mature, loving way?

The Mature Person Is The One Who Initiates Reconciliation

In a loving relationship, it is the mature person who will initiate reconciliation, if that becomes necessary.  The mature person will initiate the reconciliation even if the mature person was not responsible for whatever has happened that has brought about the need for reconciliation. You say, “Well, I’m the mature person and I’m not going to do it. No way!” Then understand that reconciliation will probably not occur.