Becoming Aware of How We Talk To Ourselves

Some literature I’ve been reading lately has prompted me to take more careful notice of the way I speak to myself. Unfortunately, some of what I have noticed has not been very good.

I’m referring to the talk that happens in my mind. It is not out loud. It is only “heard” by me. And I am specifically referring to how I speak to myself, not how I think or talk about others—that’s another matter for another post.

I have noticed I am rude, overly negative and even downright mean in the way I speak to myself. This is a very strange thing to really become aware of. I know, you might be thinking, “It sounds like Dan needs to find a good counselor.” But the truth is we all talk to ourselves. This is part of our thought life. I have simply begun to pay more attention to how I am engaging in this self-talk.

Because of how I grew up and where I come from I suspect it’s possible I have developed this way of speaking to myself believing that I am being very direct and honest. Since it’s just me, I’m cutting the nonsense, getting right to the point and saying what needs to be said forcefully. Since I’m just talking to myself and no one else can hear what is being communicated there is no need for pussyfooting around, right?

But I am understanding this negative, mean self-talk is unhealthy and unhelpful. It might even be fair to say it can have damaging effects. I would never speak to another person the way I speak to myself. Seriously. (Frankly, I would stand a good chance of getting punched in the face if I did.)

Obviously, I do not believe it will be helpful to lie to myself or attempt to convince myself I am something which I am not. Positive self-talk does not mean self-deception. But I am realizing it will be alright, in fact, I think it will be helpful to be kind, patient, encouraging, gracious, considerate, loving and honest in the way I speak to myself. In much the same way it would be helpful to be kind, patient, encouraging, gracious, considerate, loving and honest in the way I speak to others.