As a young man in
college, it began to occur to me that I may have simply embraced the Christian
faith because it was handed down to me by my parents. I wondered, “Is it possible I think of myself
as a Christian because I have been raised in a social context in which there is
an expectation that I will accept this belief system?”
“Is it possible I
have been brainwashed by sincere, kind, well-meaning people, but what has
occurred is, nevertheless, a form of brainwashing?”
I seriously wrestled
with the possibility that I may have been attempting to live something which I
did not actually own for myself.
So this may sound
like a strange way to describe it, but it’s the best way I can put it into
words: I gave myself permission to let it go.
In my mind, I gave myself permission to walk away from the faith if it
was not what I really believed.
What I discovered in
that time of searching, wondering, stretching and questioning is that I am
unable to NOT believe in God. The conviction that God exists is undeniable to
me.
The Christian faith
involves the grace of God in a way that is beyond just an intellectual pursuit. However, since those college years I have
done a considerable amount of reading and study regarding God and the Christian
faith and I remain sincerely convinced of its truth.
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