Toughening The Hide While Maintaining A Tender Heart

Many years ago, at a pastor’s training event, I heard a very wise and gifted pastor named Gerald Marvel offer this piece of advice: You have to be able toughen the hide while maintaining a tender heart.

He meant that we would have to be able to take some shots; some criticism, perhaps even unfair criticism; and some disappointments in the course of a life in ministry and not run home crying every time; or throw a hissy fit; or just plain give up. That’s the “toughen the hide” part of the lesson.

But it is not uncommon that when people learn to toughen the hide in order to cope with some of the difficulties of life, in the process, they become jaded, cynical and hard-hearted. In other words, toughening the hide can easily lead to toughening the heart as well. But the jaded, cynical, hardened heart is what is important for authentic and effective ambassadors of Jesus to avoid.

While being able to take some of the shots that come our way we still have to have loving, caring, gracious, tender hearts. In fact, our hearts need to, in a certain sense, even continue to maintain a certain degree of vulnerability.

This is not easy. It does not come naturally.

Although this advice was given at a pastor’s training event and it is good advice for pastors I believe it is also good advice for all followers of Jesus.

Toughen the hide in order to take some incoming shots but maintain a tender heart.

I’m still working on this. Like I wrote earlier, it is not easy. But one of the key factors in remaining tender-hearted is to look to God and genuinely trust Him to be our protector, defender and comforter rather than trying to do this on our own.

The more we understand that God loves us and values us and the more we grasp that our inherent worth and dignity come from God not from what other people do or say, the more open, vulnerable and tender-hearted we will be able to be in spite of the harsh realities of life that will inevitably come our way.