Friday, April 23, 2010

After The Procedure

Some of you are probably wondering, “Hmm, is Dan alive?  Did he survive his procedure this morning?”  Well, the answer is “yes”.  See, here’s a picture of me right after the colonoscopy.

You say, “Dan, how can you look so happy and brave and calm and peaceful after such a harrowing ordeal?”

No, no.  Please, I’m not a hero.  That’s just the kind of courageous, spiritually-centered guy I am.

[By the way, a little commercial break here.  I’m going to be preaching on the subject of “Humility” this Sunday.  You’re all invited.  I don’t know, that seemed relevant at this point in the story.]

Just minutes after this picture was taken, the doctor who performed the procedure came and told me that everything was fine.  He said, “You’re actually in excellent shape for a 79 year old man, Mr. Marler.”

I said, “I’m 51 years old.”

He looked down and wrote in his chart and said, “Oh!  That’s a darned shame. You have my sympathies.” Then he said, “How do you feel?”

I said, “I feel fine.”

He said… [I’m not kidding, he really said this]… “We pumped air into your colon.  So, you might feel stress or cramps in your abdomen until the air is released.”

I said, “How is it released?”

He said, “The natural way.”

There are several different punch lines that come to my mind following my doctor’s comment, but, as you know, I’m far too mature and intellectually sophisticated to stoop to such adolescent humor.

Okay, gotta run.  I still have work to do on the “Humility” sermon.  Then some of my buddies and I are going to build a really cool fort.

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