From scratch?!?

You’re probably sitting home tonight thinking, “I wonder if Dan ever bakes chocolate chip cookies.”

It’s a question that many people think about. Especially if they have completely run out of TV shows to binge watch on Netflix.

You will be happy to know that I made the cookies you see in this photo…from scratch!

Pretty good, huh?

It’s always much more impressive when someone can say, “I made these baked goods from scratch!”

So there!

…Okay, actually, I didn’t make the cookies from scratch. I made them from the pre-packaged cookie dough that can be found in the refrigerator section of the grocery store. But I felt slightly embarrassed admitting that truth because it seems like it indicates I have made a diminished chocolate chip cookie.

Please be assured that these are not diminished chocolate chip cookies.

To be really honest, I’m not even sure what it means to make something “from scratch.” Whenever I hear the word scratch it reminds me of the time I had poison ivy during summer break when I was in high school.

That was not fun. And the poison ivy rash was on my face so it was swollen and ugly. That’s not a helpful look for someone in high school.

My mom felt so bad for me that she made some chocolate chip cookies to cheer me up.

…She made them from scratch.

…I think.

 

Chocolate chip cookies and Valentine's Day

As a very romantic man I decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in celebration of Valentine’s Day. This seemed to make more sense than my first idea which involved a spiral ham and copious amounts of glaze.

My beloved, Nadia, told me the cookies were “very good.” And with a wistful look she added, “This is the kind of thing every woman dreams about.”

…Actually, now that I think about it, she might not have said the thing about the dreams but she was excited about the cookies.

Ah, the wonder and enchantment of chocolate chip cookies.

 

Chocolate Chip Cookies And It's Not Cheat Day!

I have read that even in a very disciplined lifetime eating plan there is room for a weekly “cheat day.”  (Frankly, I want to believe that’s true, even if it isn’t.)  So, I observe the age old—professional trainer-approved—cheat day tradition.  My cheat day is Sunday. 

Having made that point, it is currently Monday night and Nadia is making homemade chocolate chip cookies.  Yes, you read that properly: Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies! 

On Monday! 

My friends, it is obvious to me and I suspect it is to you, as well, that I am currently being tested by powerful forces.  Weight gain forces lurking in the shadows of our home.  Forces that are bent on making me weigh somewhere between 375 and 400 pounds.

Will I be able to resist this temptation?  It’s a very good question, isn’t it?

I’ve read that I should distract myself in these types of situations with a full glass of water and some celery.

…I think it’s going to take more than that.

Video: Chocolate Chip Cookies or Spinach? You Decide!

Click here for video!

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What Kind of Battle? A Cookie Battle

It was the aroma that I noticed first.  The smell of something baking is…well …let’s see… would “scrumptiously wonderful” be an appropriate phrase?

I had determined after a fairly early supper that I was not going to eat anything else for the rest of the night.  “That’s it!  I’m done eating for today!” I declared with a tenacious willpower and confidence that would, frankly, frighten the average man.

But, I was sitting innocently in the living room, reading one of my books and minding my own business when the aforementioned “smell of something baking” came and hit me on the side of the head.  I wasn’t hurting anyone.  I wasn’t looking for trouble.  The aroma came pushing and shoving and talking-trash, and started it up with me.

I stood and walked into the kitchen to see Nadia placing freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on a cooling rack.  “What’s the occasion?” I asked.

“Nothing.  No occasion, I’m just baking some cookies,” Nadia said.

Well, here I was, faced with a challenge.  My earlier comment—that I was not going to eat anything else for the rest of the night—was being tested.  It’s one thing to decide not to eat any thing else for the evening when all the food has been put away and the entrance to the kitchen has been sealed off with large plastic sheets and duct tape.  (That’s what we typically do after supper, like most normal families.)

But it’s something else—boy, is it something else—to resist eating when fresh chocolate chip cookies are being taken out of the oven.

Fortunately, I have an ability—cultivated earlier in my life during my martial arts training—to focus my mind powerfully on endeavors, like the passages within a book that I’m reading, and exclude other thoughts from my mind.  It’s a form of strict mental discipline that has served me well.  And I promptly put this concentrated focus to work in order to resist the impulse toward the chocolate cookies.

This discipline lasted…oh…approximately 1 minute and 28 seconds…which is pretty close to being a record if you consider the fact that my olfactory senses were being ruthlessly assaulted by fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie aroma.

You say, “Ha, ha, ha!  Dan, you caved in and ate a chocolate chip cookie, didn’t you?”

No, I can honestly say that I did not cave in and eat a chocolate chip cookie.  Really.  I did not eat “A” chocolate chip cookie.

Has anyone seen my bottle of TUMS, lately?