Being Grateful

Sometimes in the give and take of everyday life I get grumpy and frustrated and I forget how blessed I am.

When I have some time to think honestly about these grumpy and frustrated moments it bothers me because the truth is that I am genuinely thankful for the wonderful life God has given me and I want to nurture a heart and a life which expresses authentic gratitude.

Most of the people I know—most of the people who will read this post—are extraordinarily blessed. What I mean is if we were to consider many of our life circumstances in light of the circumstances of a large percentage of people in the world, we are blessed with significant advantages and comforts in comparison.

I don’t raise this point in order to make us feel guilty, I raise this point in order to remind us to be thankful.

When I see in myself or others—those of us who have much—an attitude of ungratefulness it disappoints me. And to be painfully frank I feel like I’m seeing too much ungratefulness from people who should be incredibly thankful. Again, I see this ungratefulness in me, too, sometimes. So please understand, I’m not trying to pretend I stand above the fray as a beacon of perfection.

(By the way, I just looked up “fray” and it is a real word. And the dictionary says it is frequently used by people who are close to being beacons of perfection.)

It is interesting to know studies on happiness have found that being thankful tends to promote happiness. In other words, rather than thinking: “If I feel happy then I will be thankful about it.” It actually works better this way: “If I will cultivate an honest heart of gratitude happiness will follow.”

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Cardiologist Called

I went to the hospital a little over 3 years ago with chest pains. This was not the first time I had this type of experience. But in some inner sense I had a sneaking suspicion this time was going to be different.

I was right. It was different.

Tests revealed some fairly significant blockages in my arteries and I underwent a catheterization procedure to have a stent placed in the main artery in my heart. Then just a couple of weeks later I had to have another procedure. More stents were needed.

Apparently a strict diet of Doritos, Twinkies and Pork Chops was not a wise choice, after all. Weird, huh? Now, I primarily eat lettuce and once in a while for a real treat I’ll chew my way through a big pile of celery. (That’s for special occasions when I’m feeling wild and uninhibited!)

One of the main challenges of this time in my life was not physical, however. It was mental or maybe it would be more accurate to say psychological. (I’m not sure I know the precise difference between the two terms.)

When these medical issues happened I came face to face with this realization: I am getting older and I am going to die.

I know. I know. This realization is about as obvious as it gets, but it genuinely bothered me.

Oh, don’t get me wrong even though I can be a little bit slow sometimes I knew that the clock continues to tick and someday we will experience physical death. We all know that, even though some of us prefer to never think about it. When I say I came face to face with this realization what I mean is that these blatantly obvious truths became realizations for me in a new way. A more uncomfortable way. A more tangible way. A more present way.

I am not alone and that matters. Someone is walking through this with me. But these realizations of life can still hit us in ways which require a bit of mental adjustment.

In my mind, I always considered myself to be relatively healthy. In fact, I may have had an unrealistic overconfidence regarding my physical health.

My parents, who were overweight most of their adult lives, lived into their 80s (my dad almost made it to 90) and were relatively healthy into their 70’s and beyond. They went for years and years in their 40s, 50s and 60s without going to doctors. My brother and sister are—at least compared to me—relatively healthy. I assumed relatively good health was in the genetic cards I had been dealt. When all this occurred my understanding regarding my personal health took a big hit.

I did not like having to come to grips with the fact that I was dealing with such significant health issues.

I remember the first time I talked to someone after these procedures and I used the phrase, “My cardiologist…” Man! That really bothered me. It still bothers me.

I have a cardiologist?

How can a guy like me have a cardiologist?

What the heck is going on here?!? I’m not supposed to have a cardiologist! That’s for sick elderly people!!!

Ninjas don’t have cardiologists, they just chew on special, medicinal herbs based on closely guarded, ancient martial arts secrets once in a while and everything is fine.

“Where’s Kwai Chang Caine when I need him?!?”

About 3 months ago, I had another episode and ended up back at the Emergency Room. Another heart catheterization procedure followed and this time most of my major organs were removed and replaced with digital cybernetic parts. I feel fine but my friends and family have noticed I’m now speaking with a thick Austrian accent.

I’m writing this story because my cardiologist’s office called me about 25 minutes ago. “Mr. Marler?” the voice on the phone inquired, “We need to reschedule your appointment.”

“I’m sorry, who did you say this is?”

“This is Dr. __’s office. You know, your cardiologist.”

“Oh yeah, I have a cardiologist, don’t I?”

…Yep, things are different.

Giving Room For Mistakes To Those We Love

Most of us have had the experience of seeing people we love make mistakes and wishing we could stop what was happening. We don’t want people we care about to have to deal with the difficult consequences of unwise actions. It breaks our hearts to see them in pain.

But many of us have also discovered that there is a process of learning, growing and maturing that must take place in life. And an unavoidable aspect of this maturing process involves making mistakes. We cannot learn to walk without falling down.

Hey, think about it: there were people who loved us and they could not prevent some of the mistakes they saw us making. In a very similar way we will not be able to prevent some of the mistakes we see people making.

I’m not suggesting we can never help or give wise counsel when we see people heading in a direction that will cause pain. If we can intervene and prevent troubles, that’s great, we should do so. But sometimes they will not be ready to hear our advice and we will have to endure the heartache, be patient and… pray.

Keep On Trying... Again!

My last post was titled: Keep Trying.

This is yet another keep trying post.

Many of the things I have tried to do have not worked. I have had a few successes along the way sure but I have failed so often that it is embarrassing to me.

(I was going to list some of my really humiliating failures here but I can only take so much embarrassment.)

The worst part of failing, however, is that it’s fairly common to reach a point at which we say something like this to ourselves: “Well, forget it. I have tried and tried and tried and I have met with failure so often that the pattern seems to be very clear and well established. Failure appears to be inevitable. Therefore, it makes perfect sense to stop trying. Give up. Go lie down in a corner and take a nap.”

However, I am not going to stop. With God’s help I am strenuously avoiding pessimism and cynicism. (When I write, “with God’s help” I mean that in a very literal and intentional way.)

I am going to keep on working and keep on trying. I am even going to be ridiculous enough to be optimistic. That’s right, you read that last sentence properly. Optimism! Because with God all things are possible!

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:58