Do I Really Believe, Or Not?

When I was a young man it occurred to me that my belief in God may have been taught to me and instilled in me in such a way that I almost had no choice in the matter.

“Perhaps my parents and other well-meaning people have presented these ideas about God and Christianity so relentlessly and so effectively that the result has been something similar to being brain-washed,” I thought.

I continued to wrestle with these thoughts and pursue them. I asked myself, “Do YOU really believe in God? Or, are you just going along with this particular view of reality because it is what is expected by the community of which you are a part?”

So I came to a point at which I reasoned, “You have to live with yourself. You have to believe what you really believe not what someone else has told you to believe.”

Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true.” …Or, that might have been Moe Howard. I’m not sure. Anyhow, I needed to be honest with myself.

I gave myself permission to reject belief in God. I realize that may seem like an odd way to put it but in my mind that is what I did. For me, this actually involved a form of permission. “You don’t have to pretend, Dan,” I told myself. “You can put aside this belief in God and live without it, if that’s what you really believe about the nature of reality.”

What I discovered during this time of thinking and inner wrestling was very important for me. I’m not suggesting—for a moment—this would be necessary for everyone, I am saying it was important for me. Giving myself permission to abandon belief in God helped me realize I really do believe in God. Belief in God rings true with the deepest part of my heart, mind and soul.

In fact, having been through this season of life and other times of questioning and introspection, I could put it this way: I cannot deny or reject my genuine belief in God.

I believe.

In the many years since that time I have done a significant amount of reading and studying and have come to discover there is a strong intellectual defense for belief in God. This knowledge has been tremendously helpful to my faith. Correct reasoning matters. Evidence matters.

But it is in my heart of hearts that I have come to realize I believe in God.

C.S. Lewis wrote a line that is specifically about Christianity—not just God—but I can relate with what he expresses: “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”