Osama Is Dead And Jack Bauer Is Trending

Here’s further evidence that we are a Hollywood/media driven culture: Osama Bin Laden is killed & as a result, TV character Jack Bauer is currently trending on Twitter.  A sample Tweet: “Osama Bin Laden is dead. In other news Jack Bauer returns from vacation in Pakistan.”  …Sheesh! Come on, everyone knows that Bauer has been working w/Jason Bourne and I in the far East.

Sorry, But I'm Not At Liberty To Divulge All The Details...You Know How It Is, "Top Secret"

Last night, someone was knocking on my door and when I went to answer, it was a guy who I used to do some work with and he was bleeding from a serious shoulder wound.

As he stumbled into my house, my heart was racing.  I said, “What are you doing here?  What’s going on!?!?  What happened to you?!?”

He said, “You’ve got to help me.  I know about an assassination attempt that’s going to take place today!”

I said, “What?!?  What have you gotten into…..”

Oh, wait a minute.  Hold it.  I’m sorry…I got confused for a moment there and forgot whose life that was.  That’s not my life, that’s Jack Bauer’s life.  The scenario with the injured guy at the front door is part of what happened in the first episode of “24” last night.

What I actually did last night was go see a couple of sets by a band that was doing 60’s British Invasion music, ate some pizza, read a couple of chapters of a book on Christian history, and I watched “24”.  Jack Bauer is back!

It was the first episode of the last season of “24” and this is what happens to me every time a new season starts.  I get excited for a couple of days and think that I’m Jack Bauer.  I know, it’s really dumb.  I’m embarrassed.  I’ve been really impressionable, like this, ever since I was a little kid.

But you know what’s even stranger, though?  This is odd, but I’ve heard that when the first episode of a new season of “24” starts, Kiefer Sutherland gets all excited and thinks he’s me.  Really.  He eats some pizza, he spends a good bit of time reading Christian books, and he writes a few pages of a sermon—which is downright bizarre when you consider the fact that he isn’t planning on delivering a sermon at anytime in the near future.  And even more bizarre, still, when you realize he has no idea who I am.

Weird, huh?

Strange things happen when a new season of “24” gets underway.

Uh oh, sorry, but I’ve gotta run.  Really, I’m very sorry but…that’s Chloe calling!

A Potential Cold Weather Disaster Has Been Averted

At 5:50 this morning, I stepped out the back door of my house and began trudging in the cold and dark toward the office.  Having not seen or heard a weather report, I did not know what I was in for.  As I got toward the gate in my backyard, it began to occur to me that it was a little chillier than I had expected.  I considered going back inside and changing out of my flip flops into some regular shoes and socks.  But, I continued on.

The temperature is posted on the sign of a nearby bank that can be seen as I’m making the walk.  I looked up at the sign thinking, “Boy, it’s cold today.”  The temperature on the sign? Four degrees.  Initial thought: “Hmm, I guess one of the numbers is burned out on that sign, it must be 24 degrees or 14 degrees, surely it’s not really 4 degrees!”  But as I continued walking and a strong gust of wind blew, I realized that, in fact, it was 4 degrees.  (By the way, technically speaking, the season is still “Fall”.  A person has to have a sense of humor about the weather to live in Chicago.)

I arrived at the church and we began our men’s Bible study.  As our study time progressed a noticeable chill in the air could be detected, despite the fact that we were inside and the heating fans were on.  I periodically placed my hand near the heating fan noticing that it was not blowing hot air.  I excused myself from the study and checked the heating fans in several other locations throughout the building and none of them were blowing hot air.  So, it’s 4 degrees outside and the heating fans in the building are not blowing hot air.  We refer to this as a “troubling situation”.

But this where the “good” part of the story happens.  Operating on pure instinct and relatively little knowledge—okay, make that NO actual knowledge whatsoever—I stepped into the boiler room of the church.  There it was.  The Monster.  The gigantic boiler.  People who work in the heating business have told me that the boiler we have could heat a building 2 or 3 times larger than ours.  It’s The Monster.  The Monster has chewed up and spit out many a hapless soul.

“What was I doing in here?  This is crazy!  Did I really think I could do anything about The Monster?”  These thoughts raced through my mind.

Approaching the menacing creature, I heard a low growl.  We have had some work done on the Monster recently and there are new switches and controls on it.  I started to back out of the room, realizing the audacity of thinking that I could do something about The Monster.  But I seemed to sense a strange unexplainable force pushing me toward the giant inferno.  Actually, the “force” had an explanation, it was a couple of guys from the Bible study shoving me toward The Monster.  They were cold.

I noticed a very small button on one of the new controls.  What does this button do?  Is it the “reset” button?  I don’t know.

Is it the “self destruct” button.  Will pushing that button initiate a process that will result in a massive explosion taking out several city blocks?  I don’t know.

I reached out with a trembling hand, saying a soft prayer under my breath, and pushed the button.  I heard a click and a reset process began.  Within seconds the flame under the boiler ignited.  And several minutes later.  Warm air could be felt emanating from the heating fans.

Whew!  A disaster of epic proportions was diverted.  Moments later my cell phone was ringing.  It was Jack Bauer, from the CTU, the top secret government security organization…you know…Jack Bauer…THE Jack Bauer…he can be seen on the TV program “24”.  Yes, THAT Jack Bauer.

“Great work, Dan,” said Jack, “Because of you, countless lives have once again been saved.”

“Well, I just did the best I could…it was nothin….”

“No, no,” Jack interrupted, “The city of Oak Lawn owes you a great debt.  Keep up the good work!”

“Shucks, I’m just glad I could help, Jack.”  I was blushing now.  My face felt hot and flushed. 

…..So I went outside while Jack and I continued chatting.