Lucy's Formal Statement - Apology

Hi, my name is Lucy.

This morning I was shocked and chagrined to discover that an unfortunate episode occurred involving personal control and a small area of carpeting here in our home.  While I feel it will serve no productive benefit to assign blame for this episode I would like to say that I regret any role I may have played in this inopportune situation. I am, further, saddened and embarrassed to discover that this matter involved what some people would describe as a number two incident. I join with all reasonable citizens in recognizing that this type of occurrence is unacceptable.

While I am still investigating how and why such an accident may have happened, it is important for us to keep in mind that no one is perfect and all of us can, no doubt, recall our own involvement in these kinds of soiled carpeting incidents which can easily happen in the confusing give and take of life.

Please know it is my intention to seek help for my possible misunderstanding regarding what is to happen indoors and what is to happen outdoors. I look forward to putting this matter behind us and moving ahead in the many important matters in which I have been called to serve the people of this home, such as, chewing up important documents; looking out the window and barking at people who walk by on the sidewalk; and sleeping 19 to 20 hours per day.

My family and I thank you as you give us privacy during this time of healing and reflection.

‘

Your humble servant,

Lucy Marler

That's What I Would Have Done, Too!

I was sitting at a tiki hut listening to a band when all of a sudden I was hit on the side of my head.  I didn’t see it coming and, in fact, I didn’t even know what I was hit with.  It startled me and the impact caused me to spill some of my iced tea.  (I know, many of you are probably crying at such a tragic mishap.  Try to keep it together for another minute, or so.)

It turns out I was hit with a bean bag.  I was sitting near the area where some folks were playing bean bag toss.

A young boy (maybe 5 years old, or so) came running up and said, “I am so sorry, sir.”

I smiled and said, “It’s alright.  No problem.  It was an accident.”

He looked genuinely frightened that he had hit me—a stranger—while playing the game.  But out of the corner of my eye I could see that his sister, who looked to be a couple of years older, was literally falling down laughing.

For just a moment, while she was laughing I thought, “Hey, what is this?!?  The nerve of that girl.  Her little brother hits me and causes me to spill some of my iced tea and she laughs about it?!?”  In my momentary indignation I thought, “It seems pretty rude!”

But then I quickly realized, “Give her a break, buddy boy.  That’s exactly what you would have done when you were her age.”

So, I turned to tell the kids, “It’s okay.  I’m not angry.  I’ve done similar things.”  But when I looked back to where they had been playing they were both gone.

Then I laughed because that’s exactly what I would have done when I was their age, too.

The Rude Clean-Up Guy

I was at a store whose name I won’t mention but it begins with a “T” and it has a big red bull’s eye in its logo.   

(Notice how subtle that was?)

We walked to the women’s restroom and found the door blocked because it was being cleaned.  I could see the man who was cleaning the restroom just inside the door.  So, I said, “Are there other restrooms in the store?”

He said, “I’m cleaning this one.”

I said, “I know.  I can see that.  But I’m wondering if there are other restrooms in the store.”

In a very agitated voice he said, “Use the men’s room.  You’re a guy, right?”

(You might be thinking: “There goes Dan joking around again.”  But I’m not kidding.  He really said that to me.  Are workers at retail stores given special training on methods for insulting their customers?)

I said, “Yes, I know I can use the men’s room.  I’m asking about this women’s restroom for my daughter.”

He said, “Give me a couple of minutes and I’ll be done.”

I said, “Alright.”

Rachel has a habit of waiting until things have reached emergency level status before she tells me that she needs a restroom.  This means that when she notifies me regarding her need and then we actually find a restroom, there is often very little time to spare before unstoppable forces of nature take over.

The rude clean-up guy seemed irritated to even be speaking with me so I didn’t mention this detail to him regarding our situation.   Sometimes the “reap-what-you-sow” factors in life must simply unfold and lessons must be learned.

You say, “Dan, don’t tell me you let an accident happen…”

It would probably not be fair to describe this as a situation in which I “let” an accident happen since I was not given a choice.  But, relax, the truth is that we made it without an incident.  However, the rude clean-up guy seems to be on a crash course with “reap-what-you-sow” destiny.  In other words, he better keep his mop handy.