Can Santa be tracked? ...Dan and Rachel discuss.

 

The Perception That I Like Sweets Continues To Grow

Today, at our second service, it was revealed during the prayer that I had been eating a donut in between the services.

You might be thinking, “That doesn’t sound like the type of thing that would be mentioned in a prayer.”

And you’re right.  But it managed to come up, nevertheless.  It is a little known—but very important—fact that the Donut Force is watching at all times.  They’re a lot like Santa.

Of course, this type of incident just serves to further the already-prevailing perception that I like sweets.

(By the way, this is a perception that my cardiologist is not aware of and I think it would probably be best if it remained that way.  Can we get a general sense of agreement on that?  Good.)

So, I was thinking about these events when, later today, one of the youth in our church stopped by the house with a Christmas gift for me.  The gift?  A homemade pecan pie!  He made it himself.

Is it delicious?  Oh, yes.  It’s fantastic.  [Thank you Ryan!]

…And thus the perception—for some odd reason—continues to grow.

Opening Presents Early

Because of our busy schedules over the next few days right up to Christmas Eve and Christmas day, my family enjoyed a lovely dinner tonight and then gathered together and opened our Christmas presents.  It was a warm, caring, special time that included two large dogs loudly chewing on bones.   (You know that loud chewing enhances almost any experience, don’t you?)

You might be saying, “Wait a minute, Dan!  How is it possible that you’ve opened up presents already?  Does Santa come to your house earlier than everyone else’s home?”

The answer is, “Not usually.”

But this year I negotiated a special deal with Santa for an early delivery.  He does this on occasion with certain people; if “you punks will grease the wheels.”  (That’s his phrase and it reveals a side of Santa that people don’t typically see.)

Now, the presents are opened and we’re sitting back and enjoying this wonderful family time together….  Which means that we’re each in separate rooms with electronic devices and I’m typing strange thoughts to post online for my amusement.

And… hopefully… for your amusement, too.

Is Anyone Else Excited About The Green Hornet? Of Course You Are!

Oh boy, I am excited!!!

Seriously, I am.  You know how a little kid gets excited about Christmas?  That’s what I’m talking about, I’m excited like that.  In fact, Nadia has to keep reminding me every few days that Santa is carefully watching to see who’s a good boy or girl because in my excitement I’m liable to do something foolish or rash.

To explain my excitement I have to go back to the time when I was about 8 or 9 years old.  I forget what year it was, but just for the sake of argument, let’s say 1984.  [Stop laughing, you punks!]  A television show called “The Green Hornet” began airing.  It was awesome!!!  And when I say “awesome”, I mean “like really totally completely awesomely awesome”.  The best part of all was Green Hornet’s sidekick, Kato (played by the legendary Bruce Lee).

I can remember sitting mesmerized, while watching this show.  “Who is this guy?” I thought, unable to take my eyes off the screen.  I was stunned, excited, curious, thrilled, fascinated…all at the same time.  Kato was an expert in kung fu.  I didn’t know the word “kung fu” then but I knew that Kato could move with breathtaking speed, grace, and agility as he easily dispatched any bad guy who dared to get in the way of his lightning-fast fists of fury.

In my mind, I had never seen a character in any TV show or movie as impressive as Kato…ever!  At that point in my life—when I was 8 or 9—if you would have sat down with me and engaged in a careful analysis of characters from literature, film, or theater, and asked, “Which character has emotionally moved you in such a way that it has resulted in the most significant impression upon your young psyche?”  I would have stopped fidgeting with the whoopee cushion that I carried around with me and answered, “Well, that’s easy.  It would be Kato.”  Then I would have stuck my gum to the bottom of your chair.

(You’ll be glad to know that I no longer carry a whoopee cushion around with me.  [Chuckling]  Yep, I’ve long outgrown that kind of humor…and moved on to fake vomit and that pack of gum that sets off an exploding cap when you pull a stick out of the package.  It’s a riot, I’m telling you!  And it’s a big hit at minister’s meetings.  Although, it’s curious that I never get invited back to minister’s meetings a second time.  Hm…oh well.)

Kato was absolutely the coolest!!!  Really.  He was.  And if you don’t agree with me then “you’re a big dummy-head.  So there!!!”

And if you’re thinking some kind of witty comeback, then you know what I say to that?  I say: “I know you are, but what am I?”

[Pretty hard to argue with that one, huh?]

Okay, now that we’ve firmly established my maturity level, I can tell you that I’m excited because a Green Hornet movie is coming out in January of 2011!!!!  Yes, you read that sentence properly, a Green Hornet movie!!!!

Stop.  Relax. Take a deep cleansing breath.  And read those words again:  A GREEN HORNET MOVIE IS COMING OUT IN JANUARY OF 2011!!!!

Whoo Hooooo!!!!

You’re all as excited about this as I am, right?  Of course you are, it would be impossible not to be excited about a Green Hornet movie, after all, gee whiz, you’re only human.

Okay, let’s stay calm and remember that overreaction is never helpful.  But let’s make sure we all go out and see the Green Hornet movie.  And let’s hope and pray…I mean, pray really hard…that they found someone really good, someone really cool, someone awesome, someone really exceptional to play Kato.