A Long Drive Results In A Terrific Decision

Driving from South Barrington to Oak Lawn would typically take approximately one hour.  As anyone who lives in Chicago knows, however, the driving time depends on traffic conditions.   If traffic conditions are really congested the drive could be significantly longer.

Tonight on my way back from a conference I was attending, the drive from South Barrington to Oak Lawn took two and a half hours!   (Yes, you’re reading that correctly.  A one hour drive wound up taking two and a half hours.  I grew a nifty beard during the trip, which is helpful because I was pulling the hair out of the top of my head.)

There were times when we came to a complete stop for about 30 or 40 seconds, then slowly inched forward the length of 4 vehicles, only to completely stop again for about 30 or 40 seconds.  This pattern repeated over and over again for miles.  It was exasperating!  Turtles were racing past me, laughing.

So, you probably won’t be surprised to know that I’ve decided to get a helicopter.  It makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it?  I’ve heard you can get a used one for a decent price if you keep your eyes open and regularly check Craig’s List. 

The Driver’s Ed course I took in high school spent several weeks covering helicopter piloting—as I’m sure yours did.  Oh, I’ll have to brush up again because it’s been a while, sure, but I’m looking forward to getting back into the pilot’s seat.

I’m kicking myself because I should have thought about doing this years ago.  It’s going to be a real time saver!

With God, The Possibilities Are Immeasurable

In the book of Ephesians chapter 3, vs. 20, we find a doxology—which is a prayer of praise to God.  In the doxology God is exalted as one “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.”

This is an exciting, inspiring, motivating and encouraging truth.  Isn’t it? 

I like to think I have a pretty healthy imagination.  But this passage reminds me that God can do more than I could ever imagine.  And it’s not just that He can do things that are beyond my imagination, it’s that what He can do—that is beyond what I ask or imagine—is so vast that it’s not even measurable!

It expands the mind and opens us up to remarkable possibilities if we take some time to ponder this outstanding truth.

We will be worshiping this amazing God today.  No kidding.  Right here in Oak Lawn.  And you are welcome to join us! 

(To my friends on the west coast, you better start driving now if you want to get here on time.)

An SNL Appearance? Not Really

Because I like to think that I have a pretty decent sense of humor, I have imagined what it would be like to have a small, brief appearance on Saturday Night Live.  Oh, I know, that’s such a frivolous idea for a pastor of a church to spend any time thinking about.  

Frankly, I’m embarrassed to admit such a thing.  I really should be pondering deep theological matters and issues of eternal consequence—but I’m sorry, that’s where my mind sometimes wanders when I’m daydreaming.

So, with some chagrin, I share this make believe appearance on SNL that I have imagined.

It’s 10 minutes to show time and since SNL is done live, there is a furious bustle of activity in Studio 8H, along with that exciting feeling of raw energy that comes with a mixture of nerves and adrenalin.  Everyone is feeling the combination of intensity and jitters that always accompany any pressure-filled, significant performance.

The celebrity host for the evening walks past me getting in place for the show’s cold opening.  I smile and say, “It’s almost go time!”  Then I hold out my hand for the high five.  Unfortunately, at no time during that brief moment did he even notice me.

Do I feel self-conscious and a little out of place?  Of course I do!  I realize that it’s just a crazy lark that I’m even participating in such an event…

Hey look, there’s Betty White!   I wave, but she doesn’t see me.

Oh well, I know how these things go and I realize that everyone is feeling nervous.

Just then the segment producer approaches, holding a clipboard and says, “Excuse me, who are you?”

“Oh,” I chuckle and say, “I’m Dan Marler.  Remember?  I’m the guy who has the little line in tonight’s next to the last sketch.”  I hold out my hand for the high five.

At that point the security guards are called and I’m briskly escorted from the building.

[ Long pause, along with a deep sigh. ]  Gee whiz, you know something has gone terribly awry when a guy can’t even catch a fun break in his own daydreams!

Fall Kick-Off September 11... Be There!

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Fall Kick-Off 2011 "The Meaning of Life" -- Video

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Hilarious Fun With A Sledgehammer

The TV show that consistently reduces my daughter, Rachel, to endless peals of laughter is America’s Funniest Home Videos.  Have you seen it?  This is the show that features homemade videos from regular, ordinary—albeit “whacky”—people that involve someone slipping or falling or getting kicked by a horse.  And, of course, sometime in the course of the show, there is usually a video of a person getting hit in the groin with a rake.  (At least one of those shots is needed for a well-rounded episode of AFHV.)

Rachel watches this show frequently and truly enjoys it immensely.  It is, probably, her favorite TV show.

So, what I’m writing, here, shouldn’t be too surprising…

Two or three inches of solid ice had formed on the step leading from our house into the back yard.  In order to remedy this dangerous situation, I grabbed a sledgehammer from our garage and began to carry it to the back yard.  On the way, I slipped and the sledgehammer fell right onto my foot.  I was literally jumping around, holding my foot and howling in pain.

You know what’s coming, right?

Yep!  Rachel saw the sledgehammer fall onto my foot, she saw me screaming and jumping, and I thought she might actually pass out from laughing so hard.

I was really in pain.  No, really!  I was!  My foot genuinely hurt.  And, yet, this little episode was a source of pure hilarity for Rachel.

When I told Nadia about the incident, later, she laughed uproariously, as well.  In fact, within a few minutes, I had the distinct impression that she wanted me to tell her about it again.  You know, just for the fun of it.  I didn’t.

Why is MY PAIN such a source of great joy and amusement for so many people?

A moment ago, the phone rang and it was my neighbor calling to say that he heard about the sledgehammer incident at a neighborhood meeting and he was thanking me for bringing some much-needed laughter and sunshine to the entire southern region of Oak Lawn on these cold winter days.

What?!?  When did he…?  How did he…?

That call surprised me, of course, but in a way it was no big deal.  What really shocked me was the call from Mayor Daley expressing his appreciation, on behalf of the city of Chicago, for providing a wonderful dose of humor to the millions of people who find my pain to be a source of endless amusement.

Why, I ask you?  Why?!? 

…[Sigh]  Well, I’m just glad I can be of assistance…I guess.

Alright then, I’m going to go put a rake out in my backyard.

A Good Old-Fashioned Technological Campfire

Last night, we had such wonderful brisk weather that I decided to start up a nice campfire in our fire pit.  After a roaring fire was underway, I sat back, communing with nature and enjoying the peace, quiet and tranquility for a full 8 and a half minutes.  Then I went inside and got my laptop computer and brought it out by the fire.

Since our house has Wi-Fi and I was close by the house in our back yard, I went on-line.  I tried to “Skype” Taylor but he didn’t appear to be on line.  So, I checked out Facebook and made a few comments.  Then I browsed a couple of web sites and looked up a book that I heard about on Amazon.  And, suddenly, it hit me.

“What am I doing?” I thought.  “I’m outside, relaxing, enjoying nature.  I’m engaging in something as primal and visceral and natural as humanity itself—sitting in front of a  fire—and I’m on the Internet at the same time?!?  This is nuts!”

I realized that this was one of those pivotal moments.  This was one of those moments where we would see what kind of person I am.  Am I going to be one of those people who is hopelessly tethered to the matrix-like artificial life of the web?  Even while I’m in the very presence of the natural wonder and beauty of all the strip malls of Oak Lawn?

“No!” I said, out loud.  And I stomped my foot for emphasis.  I refuse to live with the sad desperation of someone who needs the constant stimulation of a computer connection to feel alive and fulfilled.  “I do not need this computer!” I shouted as I stood up and cast the vile machine into the fire.

Well…okay…that last part just happened in my mind.  I didn’t actually throw the computer in the fire.  That would be a very expensive way of making a point.  But I did turn it off.

“There!” I said with satisfaction.  And then I sat down, took a few deep breaths and turned my attention back to the soothing rhythms of the flaming fire.  “Yes,” I thought, “this is better.  So much better.  This is the natural pace at which we were meant to live.”

And I spent the next hour simply relaxing, watching the dancing flames, and texting back and forth with several friends.

“Yep, this is how the pioneers used to do it,” I thought, as my phone softly beeped, signaling the arrival of a fresh text message.