It is not uncommon for parents of special needs children to
feel a sense of shame. Oh I know, there are people who will quickly respond to
such a statement by saying, “What are you talking about? Stop saying that! No
one feels that way!”
But I know this is true despite any protests to the
contrary. It can seem to the special needs parent that something went wrong and,
therefore… “I [the parent] must be defective or at fault in some way.” Embarrassment
or shame can follow.
I know these feelings are not correct. I am not approving
of these feelings or defending them I am simply pointing out that they exist.
There is even an impulse to want to pin the blame for
what has happened on one of the parents. I know this because I have had people
wonder aloud whose side of the family this comes from, mine or Nadia’s, when it
comes to the special needs condition of my daughter.
Having a special needs child will present challenges.
Most of us with special needs children will have our patience challenged to a
degree we never imagined was possible.
In my case, the staggering amount of questions I get from
my special needs daughter on a daily basis makes it feel like I’m a contestant
on an episode of Jeopardy that never actually ends. The show just keeps running
all day, every day.
“I’ll take ‘Needing More Patience’ for $400, Alex.”
And I am certainly aware of the truth that some folks who
care for those with special needs deal with a much, much greater level of
challenge than I do.
However, in spite of everything I have just written I
believe most parents of special needs children will say their child has been a
unique and wonderful blessing in their lives. (I write this with the full
understanding that there will be some exceptions to that previous comment. Some
parents will have such extraordinarily difficult circumstances that they will
not see it this way.) But most of us will recognize the special needs child in
our lives is a gift to us from God.
The person with special needs is not a partial human
being, he or she is fully human. He or she deserves the same respect, dignity,
love and grace that any other person deserves. He or she is not one of God’s
mistakes, they are God’s beloved.
To parents of special needs children: do not feel shame
or embarrassment. Our children are not a punishment that has been brought upon us
because we are broken or because we have done something wrong. Our children are
persons God has brought into our lives and families for a reason. Our children
are a blessing.
