Oops...wrong class

High Speed Scooter Danger

The senior citizens in Florida are just a bit more aggressive than they are in other parts of the country.  It has something to do with all the extra vitamin D they get from the sunlight. 

…And experts suspect that it may also be linked to constant exposure to no-holds-barred-bingo.

We got a first-hand lesson in this reality tonight while we were shopping.

A woman on a scooter drove straight at Rachel—who was simply standing still.  The aisle in which we were standing was wide enough to accommodate all of us, so, I thought the woman on the scooter would alter her course to the right or to the left and go around Rachel.  But the woman had a steely look in her eye and she kept bearing down on Rachel at speeds of up to 1 or 2 miles per hour.

As I watched all of this unfold it became clear to me that the woman on the scooter was not going to change course, so with no time to spare, I grabbed Rachel by the arm and yanked her off to the side of the aisle.

Then we stood there with our hearts beating quickly, thanking God we were alive.  (You’re nervous just reading about it, huh?)

When the woman on the scooter passed by us—I’m not positive—but I think she said, “Watch it, punks!”

(NOTE:  Okay, I may have made that “watch it, punks” line up in my mind, but, she did say something as she whizzed past us… at speeds of up to 1 or 2 miles per hour.)

A trip to Walmart can involve high speed “scooter danger” here in the sunshine state.

I'm Not Yet One Of The Seniors

I look at least 15 years older than my actual age (which is 54). In Florida—where I’m taking a break—this creates mildly irritating situations for me because the retired seniors think I’m one of them.

Seventy-five to eighty year old women flirt with me. “I’m going to bingo tonight at the V.F.W. Maybe I’ll see you there.”

Senior men chuckle and make references to Tommy Dorsey music while shaking their heads and saying, “Peanuts Hucko played a mean clarinet, if you know what I mean.”

I don’t know what they mean!

Today, while standing in line, a senior said to me: “Are you a snowbird or a full-timer?”

Me: “Neither. I’m not retired I’m just here for vacation.”

Senior: “What? When are you going to retire? You can’t put it off forever, you know.”

Me: “I’m not putting it off, I’m only 54 years old.”

Senior: (Looks me over carefully and with a slight amount of sadness and disbelief.) “That’s too bad.”

I guess it’s probably best if I don’t talk to strangers.