The Value of Accepting Responsibility

A number of years ago when I was in counseling I would occasionally notice—as I was speaking with the counselor—that I would subtly minimize my responsibility for the problems in my life. This was particularly true if the problem involved a shortcoming/error/sin on my part that was personally embarrassing.

Oh sure, I was willing to bring up the shortcoming/error/sin on my part but then I would hear myself using language that would slightly diminish my responsibility.

For example, if I wronged another person, I would have been likely during the counseling session to say, “As I think about it, I MAY HAVE wronged that person.”

On more than a few occasions—even as I was doing this—I would notice my language and stop. The counselor never said anything about my choice of words. He never challenged what I was saying, for the most part he simply listened. However, after I noticed what I was doing I would say, “You know what? I’m not speaking honestly. It’s not that I ‘may have’ wronged that person. I did wrong that person. I did something wrong. I hurt that person and I know it.”

The counselor did not applaud my insight or congratulate me for noticing the distinction and stating the situation more accurately. He just listened.

It is not easy to recognize and accept full responsibility for our actions but it is right and it is helpful.

If we are going to grow and mature one of the most important steps involves being willing to genuinely accept responsibility for who we are, what we say, what we do and how we treat others. I think we have a natural resistance to accepting responsibility in this way. I know I do. It is not comfortable. But it is a critical aspect of moving forward in a healthy, God-honoring way.