I'm Just As Shocked As Anyone About This

Last night, there was a knock at the door and several large men dressed in black suits said, “You need to come with us.”

I was stunned, of course, and said, “Who are you?  What is this all about?”

They spoke with British accents and said, “It will be best if you simply come with us.  Your questions will be answered later.”

I feared, somewhat, for my safety.  But I was also very intrigued.  In fact, my curiosity was more compelling than the concern for safety, so I went with the men and shortly their limousine dropped us at the airport.  I was whisked into a beautiful jet that was decked out in finery the likes of which I’ve never seen before.

“What is going on?”  I asked.  “Where are we going?”  I rubbed my hand on the passenger seats which were appointed in a fine, soft, expensive leather.

Settling into their seats, the gentlemen smiled, sipped their tea, and said, “Cheerio, old boy, it won’t be long and you’ll have your answers.”

The flight was pretty lengthy and at one point a stern-looking woman dressed in a formal twill suit came to me and began to give instructions regarding what she called “proper protocols”.

Once again, I said, “But what is this all about?  I still don’t know what the point of all this is.  What’s happening?  Where are we going?”

In response to my questions the stern looking woman—I later found out her name was Beatrice—instructed me to practice saying the names “Kate” and “William”.

“Why?”  I asked  “What does this mean?  Who are you people?”

But Beatrice simply smiled and said, “Try it again, go ahead, you can do it, ‘Kate’ and ‘William’…there you go.”

Many hours later the jet landed and I was quickly escorted to a large black SUV that was waiting for us at our destination.  When we pulled up to the back entrance way of a beautiful structure—a structure that I recognized from pictures I had seen as the Westminster Abbey Church—it suddenly dawned on me.  It all came together and made perfect sense.  “Of course,” I laughed, hitting my forehead, “I should have seen this all coming sooner.”

We walked into a hidden back entrance of the church and a small team of people immediately began preparing me for the ceremony which was going to begin, shortly.

So, for all of you who were wondering and calling and sending e-mails, that’s the answer to your questions.  That is basically the story of how I ended up officiating at William and Kate’s Royal Wedding.  And believe me, I’m just as shocked as anyone about all of this.

  

P.S.  If you look very carefully—you have to really squint to do it—you can see me in the wedding photos.  I’m the one with the awesome, cool, pointy hat.