How Does Rachel Prepare For Trunk Or Treat?

Since my story earlier this week—the one about Rachel’s Trunk or Treat costume—calls, letters, and e-mails have been pouring in from all over the country.  (President Obama sent a couple of text messages and Vladimir Putin called 4 times begging for photographs and further information!)

The question on everyone’s mind is this: “Dan, how does Rachel prepare for Trunk or Treat?”

It’s an excellent question—right up there with “What is the purpose of life?” or “Where’s Waldo?”  Well, fortunately, it’s actually a very simple process and I was able to document it, firsthand, as it unfolded last night.

Step 1, began with a trip, early in the evening, to Taco Bell.  I suppose this step almost goes without saying.  EVERYONE knows that a person needs to be properly nourished in order to participate in the fun and energy-burning excitement of Trunk or Treat.  And, the perfect place to nourish the body is Taco Bell.  The Bell is well known for its life-giving, high-octane health benefits.  (Going to Taco Bell is almost like going to a health food store.)

After Rachel’s nutritious Taco Bell supper, it was straight back to the Rachel International Headquarters where her mysterious team of Hollywood designers, simply known as “La Nadia”, stood waiting to begin the costuming process.

That leads to Step 2 in the Rachel Trunk or Treat preparations, putting on the clown clothing.  This is quick and easy.  Rachel’s designers had her dressed in a few moments.  Her clown outfit was specially designed by Vera Wang for Walmart.  (I know absolutely nothing about fashion—you can tell, right?—but I thought it would be fun to see “Vera Wang” and “Walmart” used in the same sentence.)

Step 3 is the bright red hairspray.  Unfortunately, this led to a slight snafu in the evening’s costuming prep.  We had 1 can of bright red hairspray.  That’s because we assumed that we only needed 1 can of bright red hairspray.  But as we applied the bright red hairspray it became apparent that 1 can would not be enough.  To make Rachel’s hair truly bright red it appeared that we needed about 3 cans of bright red hairspray. 

When the can of hair spray ran out, Rachel’s design team, “La Nadia”, determined that 1 can would have to be sufficient.

I said, “But, hold on, her hair isn’t really bright red!”

Rachel’s design team, “La Nadia”, said, “It’s good enough.  Besides she has a hat.”

And you know what?  That ended the discussion regarding the matter of the bright red hair.  So, Rachel’s clown hair ended up being brown with red highlights.

You say, “But Dan, clowns don’t have brown hair with red highlights!”

To that comment I respond: “It’s good enough.  Besides she has a hat.”  And I’m confident that’s the right answer because that’s what Rachel’s design team told me.

The final step in Rachel’s Trunk or Treat preparation involves the application of the clown make-up.  This is where the artistry comes in.  The way that a clown makes up her face is her trademark.  It creates the essence of the clown persona.  The design of the clown make-up is part of the magic the clown brings to her adoring audience.

But the Rachel design team had never applied clown make-up before.  How do you do this?  What’s the procedure?  What kind of clown persona should be created?  Where would the make-up artist even begin?

I posed these questions out loud and the room became silent.  Only the soft crunching of a few leftover nachos could be heard.  Now what?  What do we do?  I quickly moved to the computer to research the matter.  [That means searching on Google.]  While I did that, Rachel’s design team “La Nadia” just dove in and began putting white stuff on her face.  By the time I developed a comprehensive make-up plan based on sound geometric principles and rigorous research, the design team had already transformed Rachel into…Raquel Le Clowne!  (Clowns are always just a little bit scarier if they’re French.)

You say, “Wow, Dan!  Did all that effort pay off?”

Well, a person has to be philosophical about such a question.  When we speak of the effort expended and the pay off received it’s important to carefully consider all the variables, being sure to enter this factor into the equation:  “Chocolate”.

We made a pretty good haul of chocolate last night.  So, does that make it worth the effort?  Oh yes.  In fact, I’m chuckling at the question, even as I type these words.

“Does chocolate make it worth it?”  Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Of course it does!  After all…it’s chocolate!  Chocolate definitely makes it worth the effort.

Now, excuse me, Raquel Le Clowne has a sack containing a few Snickers bars. 

Au Revoir!

[*NOTE:  That’s “good bye” in French.]

*We're still not sure who these people
are.  They frightened us and, yet, we
felt strangely comforted by them at
at the same time.  Hmm, strange.
.