Being responsible isn't easy but it is good and right.

We choose how we respond to what happens.

The Value of Accepting Responsibility

A number of years ago when I was in counseling I would occasionally notice—as I was speaking with the counselor—that I would subtly minimize my responsibility for the problems in my life. This was particularly true if the problem involved a shortcoming/error/sin on my part that was personally embarrassing.

Oh sure, I was willing to bring up the shortcoming/error/sin on my part but then I would hear myself using language that would slightly diminish my responsibility.

For example, if I wronged another person, I would have been likely during the counseling session to say, “As I think about it, I MAY HAVE wronged that person.”

On more than a few occasions—even as I was doing this—I would notice my language and stop. The counselor never said anything about my choice of words. He never challenged what I was saying, for the most part he simply listened. However, after I noticed what I was doing I would say, “You know what? I’m not speaking honestly. It’s not that I ‘may have’ wronged that person. I did wrong that person. I did something wrong. I hurt that person and I know it.”

The counselor did not applaud my insight or congratulate me for noticing the distinction and stating the situation more accurately. He just listened.

It is not easy to recognize and accept full responsibility for our actions but it is right and it is helpful.

If we are going to grow and mature one of the most important steps involves being willing to genuinely accept responsibility for who we are, what we say, what we do and how we treat others. I think we have a natural resistance to accepting responsibility in this way. I know I do. It is not comfortable. But it is a critical aspect of moving forward in a healthy, God-honoring way.

Taking Responsibility Reminds Us That Real Leadership Is Challenging

When we encounter a leader who makes it known in the organization he or she leads that his people need to take the fall so he [the leader] will not have to be responsible for his own actions/mistakes, what we are observing is a terrible leader. As a matter of fact, this is actually the opposite of true leadership.

Not surprisingly this method of operating is probably somewhat normal in the world of political leadership. I’m not taking sides here. This tactic of having low-level staffers or other underlings take the fall on behalf of the person at the high level occurs with both republican and democrat politicians.

A number of these people—on both sides of the aisle—are ego-driven, seekers of power who have very little interest in serving others. Their primary motivation for seeking office is an almost pure form of selfishness. They are not leaders, in the true sense of the word, they are professionally postured and polished narcissists.

I know this is just one, sad, lonely post that will make no difference in the big scheme of things but I felt like expressing this thought, anyhow. The reality I describe above is a reminder that authentic leadership is tremendously challenging.

P.S. By the way, I wrote this thought a couple of years ago regarding something I had seen on a political TV show and chose not to post it for a while. So, this is not specifically directed at any current political person or event. Although I am sure it applies to plenty of current political figures.

P.P.S.  Some of the people who read this might be thinking, “Oh yeah Dan, what you’re describing about people in the world of politics happens in the realm of religious leadership, too. So there, Buster!!!” My response to that is: Sadly, you are correct. It does. But that still doesn’t make it right. It just reveals to us that some of these people have no business being in leadership positions, as well.

I repeat: Authentic leadership is tremendously challenging.

“Pray…for kings and all who are in authority…” 1 Timothy 2:2

Responsibility Is A Pretty Valuable Character Trait, After All

I think “responsibility” is an underappreciated value. Being responsible brings to mind qualities like being steady and reliable. These concepts almost sound boring to most of us.

“That Joe is a steady fellow!”

It makes you want to yawn, right? It doesn’t seem very flashy or cool!

But responsible people are often the ones who get important things done. (Do you want a responsible person to oversee the building of the bridge you are driving on or an irresponsible person?)

Responsible people typically do not look to blame others if things don’t go as planned. (This is a big deal in our “everyone-else-is-to-blame-except-me” culture.)

When people find themselves facing serious problems it is usually a responsible person they turn to for help.

As I think about my life and the people who have had the most significant influence, I realize it has been the people who were responsible. Unfortunately, I think I often took their responsibility for granted. I thought their responsibility was a given, as if it was automatic and could never be any other way. I, often, did not appreciate what an important and valuable character trait it is.

I am realizing these responsible people are pretty special, after all.

We Choose How We Respond

For the most part, we choose how we respond to what happens in life. In other words, we are not forced by the circumstances of life to think, speak and behave in certain ways. Rather, we choose our response.

I realize there are some really bad circumstances which can happen sometimes. And I understand that when incredibly difficult circumstances occur this is not inconsequential. The circumstances of our lives matter. I have great empathy for this reality. However, it is still true that, in general, we choose our response.

This can be a difficult idea to wrestle with because it takes away some of our excuses. If we admit we have chosen our response then we cannot claim circumstances dictated that we respond in negative, hurtful, unwise and unhealthy ways. We must accept responsibility.

With God’s help we can choose—even in difficult circumstances—to respond to life with love, respect, grace, joy, patience and kindness. I want to make these kinds of positive choices.

Understanding Responsibility For Wrongdoing

Many years ago I heard a psychologist mention a concept which has to do with the basic nature of people and how they understand responsibility for wrongdoing.

Apparently, it has been observed that in a general sense people tend to be wired in such a way that they fall into one of two groups. In the one group are people who discover something has gone wrong and immediately ask, “Now what have you done?”

In the minds of those in the first group any error or wrongdoing which was committed must have been done by someone else because it is rather obvious it could not have been them.

In the other group are people who discover something has gone wrong and immediately ask, “Now what have I done?”

In the minds of those in the second group any error or wrongdoing which was committed must be attributable to them in some way because, come on, it only makes sense.

I am in the latter group. I have occasionally considered the possibility I even have some responsibility for mistakes, errors and problems which occurred before I was born. (That’s a joke but it’s almost, kind of, true.) I must admit there are times I am a bit envious of those who can honestly go through life with the mindset of the former group. It must be nice to always have the assurance that somebody else has made the mistake.

Being A High Integrity Person

For those of us who would like to be involved in high integrity relationships it is helpful to ask ourselves this question: Am I a high integrity person?

Unfortunately, we happen to live in a culture that encourages us to blame others for our own faults and shortcomings. Instead of taking responsibility, we are encouraged to see ourselves as victims… and look for ways to lay the blame on someone else. So, if we are not involved in high integrity relationships we are tempted to think: What the heck is wrong with all these people? How do I manage to always find these losers?

We will serve ourselves better by asking questions like these:

What do I need to do to grow in my relationships?

How can I be a trustworthy, honest, loyal, helpful, friend to others?

How can I be the person of integrity God has called me to be?

We have to be high integrity people in order to have high integrity relationships.

Fighting Against Reality Is Futile

We send the message in a number of subtle and not-so-subtle ways in our culture that it is possible to live in immature and irresponsible ways and, yet, avoid negative consequences. This is not good, it is not compassionate (though it often pretends to be) and it is not helpful.

It does not matter if we dress up immature and irresponsible behavior in academic jargon or fancy-sounding cultural buzz-words because the behavior will ultimately bump up against reality.

This is a certainty which I encourage you to believe: Whenever a person tries to “pull-one-over” on reality the person, ultimately, pays a difficult price.

Likewise, whenever a culture tries to “pull-one-over” on reality the culture, ultimately, pays a difficult price.

“For we are each responsible for our own conduct.”  Galatians 6:5

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”  Galatians 6:7

Work To The Best Of Your Ability, Don't Worry About Comparing Yourself To Others

Here’s a great challenge for all of us:  Let’s not worry about others and what they’re doing.  Let’s not get caught up in comparing ourselves with others.  Instead, let’s do what we’re called to do and genuinely strive to do it well—to the best of our ability.  This is an important part of healthy, responsible living.

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.  For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” Galatians 6:4-5.

Who Is Responsible For Me?

Here is today’s brief “unpopular rant:”  It is not the responsibility of someone else to make my life easy for me.  It is my responsibility to work hard, be diligent, industrious, conscientious and do the best I can with the gifts I have been given.

I’ve actually hesitated for several days to post these thought because I figured it would probably bother some people.  And then I thought, “How is it possible that concepts like responsibility, diligence, industriousness and conscientiousness would be bothersome or controversial?”

You cannot read tone of voice when it comes to written words, so, I will tell you I write these words with the intention of being loving, kind, gracious and helpful:  If we create a culture in which the majority of people no longer believe they have some measure of personal responsibility for their lives we are creating something dangerous and unsustainable.

Taking responsibility for our lives is not easy, but it is good and it is right.

The Importance of Being Responsible

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Are We Being Faithful?

A man in one of Jesus’ parables was given some responsibility and he handled it well.   As a result, he was told this:  “You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities.”  This, of course, raises a question for us:  Even if it doesn’t seem like much, are we being faithful right now with what we’ve been given?

You and I Are Not The Center of the Universe?

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