A number of years ago when I was in counseling I
would occasionally notice—as I was speaking with the counselor—that I would
subtly minimize my responsibility for the problems in my life. This was
particularly true if the problem involved a shortcoming/error/sin on my part
that was personally embarrassing.
Oh sure, I was willing to bring up the shortcoming/error/sin
on my part but then I would hear myself using language that would slightly
diminish my responsibility.
For example, if I wronged another person, I would
have been likely during the counseling session to say, “As I think about it, I
MAY HAVE wronged that person.”
On more than a few occasions—even as I was doing
this—I would notice my language and stop. The counselor never said anything
about my choice of words. He never challenged what I was saying, for the most
part he simply listened. However, after I noticed what I was doing I would say,
“You know what? I’m not speaking honestly. It’s not that I ‘may have’ wronged
that person. I did wrong that person. I did something wrong. I hurt that person
and I know it.”
The counselor did not applaud my insight or
congratulate me for noticing the distinction and stating the situation more
accurately. He just listened.
It is not easy to recognize and accept full
responsibility for our actions but it is right and it is helpful.
If we are going to grow and mature one of the most
important steps involves being willing to genuinely accept responsibility for
who we are, what we say, what we do and how we treat others. I think we have a
natural resistance to accepting responsibility in this way. I know I do. It is
not comfortable. But it is a critical aspect of moving forward in a healthy,
God-honoring way.
