Dear E-Flash Friends;
I was swimming in the ocean with the manatees, yesterday, near a jetty from which a number of people were fishing. No kidding! On five different occasions I was petting the manatees as they swam around near me. It was very cool! I was preaching one of my sermons while I was swimming so that must have been what was attracting them. Manatees love a lively lecture.
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(Hey, stop laughing, it could happen….in some kind of strange alternate universe.)
At one point, a mom who was standing on the jetty called out to her teenaged daughter, who was in the same area as me, and said, “Erica, are you wearing any jewelry?”
Erica responded, “Yes, I’m wearing a necklace.”
The mom called out, “Take it off, these fishermen tell me that there are barracudas in the water around there and it will attract them.”
,
As you probably know, barracudas are vicious and aggressive creatures. They move with lightning speed and have razor sharp teeth that can quickly tear the flesh…and…oh… wait a minute…hold on… you know what? I’m sorry that’s not a description of barracudas, I got a little confused for a moment. That’s a description of a pet hamster I had, many years ago.
Anyhow….Erica said to her mom, “It’s not a shiny metal necklace, it’s plastic.”
The mom said, “Okay!”
I looked at my wedding ring on my left hand and thought, “Hmm, it might be a good idea to keep my hand out of the water.” (My powers of reasoning are really astonishing, huh?)
I was swimming in waters that were over my head because that’s where the manatees were. I had a device called a “noodle” that helps with floatation but it’s still inconvenient to swim in deeper waters with one hand constantly raised out of the water.
There were no pockets on my swim trunks that would safely hold the ring, so, it occurred to me to take the ring off and hold it in my mouth. But you and I know what would have happened then, right? Oh yeah, I can just imagine the laughter and ridicule when I have to tell people that I swallowed my wedding ring. (That would be similar to the time that I accidentally ate our marriage license. Phew! Did I ever take some ribbing for that!)Well, thankfully, I made it back to shore safely and plopped into my beach chair. But just then several land sharks* came out of the tall grass and chased me to the car.
Lessons? 1) Always take off your jewelry before swimming in the ocean; 2) Don’t keep a wedding ring in your mouth; 3) Watch for any strange movements in the tall grass; and 4) Never forget that we’re back to our regular schedule this Sunday, July 11th. The services will begin at 9 am and 11 am, but, hopefully, your heart of worship will begin way before that.
Love and Blessings,
Dan
*NOTE: Land sharks are not real creatures. I’m just kidding about that part of the story.
**NOTE: Hamsters are real creatures but they don’t’ normally tend to be quite as ornery as the one I described in the story.
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