Dan's Hotel Breakfast Principle

I’m not a road warrior, so I’m not really the best one to offer travel advice.  But I discovered something in my recent travels.  In fact, I even have a name for what I’ve discovered.  I’m going to call my finding: “Dan’s Hotel Breakfast Principle”—DHBP, for short.

(Oh no you don’t.  Don’t try to steal it, I’m already in the process of copywriting that winning phrase!)

Here’s DHBP:  If you secure a room at a hotel and there are only 3 other cars in the parking lot….don’t expect much at the hotel-provided breakfast in the morning.

Profound, isn’t it?  In fact, even as you read these words, I’m clearing a space on the fireplace mantel for all the awards that my stunning new discovery is likely to bring.

For those of you who are more technically oriented, my principle can be stated as a mathematical equation:    vfc = fcb

(Very few cars = fairly crummy breakfast)

We took Taylor back to college last night and since we got into Anderson late in the evening, we secured a room at a hotel which shall remain unnamed.  (See how savvy I am when it comes to avoiding potential lawsuits?)  When we checked in at the hotel, I noticed that there were 3 cars in the parking lot.  I assumed one car probably belonged to the desk clerk, so that left two cars belonging to hotel guests.  I realize that’s not a ringing endorsement for the place but, frankly, it was late, it was cold, and they had a very good room rate, so we took the room and went to bed.

This morning, we arose and went to the hotel-provided “hot breakfast”.  It was…well, let’s see…how do you put this…um…well…let’s just say…it was pretty sparse.

This was the breakfast layout:  Two or three old donuts (one of which looked like it already had a bite taken out of it); a couple of bagels; a couple of biscuits; 3 scrambled eggs in a simmering pan (they may have been the same 3 eggs that were in that simmering pan back when I was a student at Anderson University…they looked vaguely familiar); and a saucer of cream that the cat didn’t finish.

As we ate, a hotel worker was lurking in the background watching us.  He watched, sometimes, from behind the serving counter and then, later, he was peering over a nearby couch sticking out his tongue at us.  I had the distinct feeling that by showing up at the breakfast we had created extra work for him and, thus, ruined his day.  I have a pretty good feel for this kind of thing.  I can pick up subtle clues, for example, the look in his eye.  Or, when I overheard him on his cell phone saying, “….Yeah, there are some really lame people here eating breakfast and making more work for me...”

Some of the fellas went to Anderson with us to drop off Taylor, so after our hotel breakfast, Nadia, Rachel and I went to Taylor’s dorm to say goodbye to Taylor and to pick up Jimbo and Johnny T. and Eric, in order to head back home.  But, on our way out of town, we did the only sane, sensible, rational, logical thing.  We did the only thing that, under the circumstances, made any sense at all…..we stopped at McDonald’s.  *Now there’s a breakfast!

…..And nobody stuck out their tongues at us.

  

(*Note: This line may seem like sarcasm but, actually, I REALLY DO like McDonalds’ breakfast food.)