Hey Look! I'm Operating A Hammer and Nails!

I can’t believe I’m typing this sentence, but here it goes . . .

I was out mending fences today, with my dog Jasper.

Those of you who know me well will need a moment to get up off the floor, having succumbed to shock. It’s true. I feel like a farmer. The guy who has never been inside a “Home Depot” store was “out mending fences” with Jasper.

You say, “Dan, what’s going on, how could this be? I feel like things are all topsy-turvy and spinning out of control—I’m suddenly very dizzy.”

Well, those strong winds last night damaged some portions of the fence surrounding our backyard, so, I went out with a hammer and some nails and I “mended” the fence.

Here we go again, some who know me well will have to get up off the floor.

You dust yourself off and say, “Wait a minute, Dan, YOU operated a HAMMER AND NAILS?!? You did? What’s going on? My world doesn’t make sense anymore! Dan operated a hammer and nails!?! How could this have happened?”

Well, I read one of those “For Dummies” books about operating a hammer and nails. (They’re wonderfully informative.) And after several hours, I figured it out and got to work on that fence. And I don’t mind saying things have been hammered together and secured quite nicely. The fence has been mended. It’s a pretty impressive job….if you tilt your head slightly to the left side as you look at it.

So, to all those who say, “I need to see a miracle before I can believe in God.” I invite you over to our backyard to see something that many people would put into the category of “metaphysical impossibility”: My completed carpentry work.

Here is the newly updated partial list of incredible miracles in this world:

The Resurrection
The Virgin Birth of Jesus
The Parting of the Red Sea
The Raising of Lazarus
Dan mends a fence
Sham Wow cloth

By the way, if you do come over, would you bring some smelling salts? Nadia and Jasper are both still unconscious, having fainted after seeing me with a hammer.

Oh, and would you stop at Panera Bread and get some iced tea? That’s not for Nadia or Jasper, I’m just a little thirsty after all that fence mending (and a couple of lemon wedges, too, please).