Constructive Thinking Rather Than Victimhood Thinking

Occasionally, I will be in a mood in which I catch myself thinking about circumstances in life which are unfavorable to me. It is not my nature to do this often but I will admit I do this once in a while.

If I do not notice this type of thinking quickly I can wind up doing a “woe is me” session in which I gradually attempt to convince myself…

“I’ve got it rough.”

“The odds are stacked against me.”

“I must not have what it takes.”

“I did not get the proper direction when I was younger.”

Or some other version of “poor me, I’m a victim of these hostile and unhelpful circumstances of life.”

As a pastor, I have counseled many hurting people and this experience has revealed to me that everyone has difficulties; rough moments of life; and some sense in which they have been victimized.

However, I honestly do not believe it is helpful for us to think of ourselves as victims. Again I understand that people are sometimes victimized by circumstances of life—some people, certainly, more than others—and some people have been victimized in such a way that they genuinely deserve significant help.

But to dwell on hardships, difficulties and obstacles and to convince ourselves that our victimization creates insurmountable limitations and prevents forward progress in life is simply not helpful. To define ourselves—in our own minds—as victims will not result in hopeful thinking; helpful thinking; helpful action; or real solutions. In fact, it seems more likely to lead to a passive, resigned sense of hopelessness.

As I wrote earlier, I have fallen into victimhood thinking on occasion and it has never resulted in any positive help. It is not constructive or beneficial.

I will admit this is a generalization, however, in most cases it will tend to be true: If we think we are a victim with no chance of moving forward, it is very likely we will be a victim with no chance of moving forward.

It will be better and healthier to think of ourselves as persons of hope, possibility and dignity, created in the image of God for a purpose. It will be helpful to think of ourselves as resourceful agents who are able to exercise free will and, with God’s help, able to make good, consequential, positive, helpful, constructive, imaginative, potent and meaningful choices.

It's Not A Cop Out To Trust God

I realize it can sound like a cop out to say, “Trust God.”  But I don’t use the phrase to suggest we should quit trying or quit thinking about solutions to problems.  However, there are things we can do and things we can’t do.  There are things we can control and a whole bunch of things we can’t control.

As I was watching the news this morning there were two key stories receiving a lot of attention.  One story had to do with ISIS, which affects many people under the broad category of terrorism activity.  The other story had to do with the Ebola virus, which seems to have the potential to affect more people than might have otherwise been reported. As you know, it is already classified as an epidemic in West Africa.

Both of these front page news stories are a good example of issues over which most of us have very little control.  And there are many other issues of life we do not control, as well.

I’m not writing this to make us feel hopeless or scared and I am definitely not trying to make us feel like victims.  I do not like the tendency of our culture to encourage a victim mentality. I’m just pointing out basic realities of life.

So, for me this statement is not a cop out.  It has to do with a fundamental truth of my existence:  I choose to trust God.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

Hebrews 13:5&6

Assuming Personal Responsibility For Our Actions

The tendency to identify oneself as a victim or consistently blame others when things don’t go the way we had hoped is not helpful or constructive for a person as an individual.  And it is not good or healthy for a society.  In order for a culture to thrive, it requires people who are willing to assume personal responsibility for their lives and for their actions. 

A Victim Mentality Can Obscure The Reality of Consequences

Our culture tends to encourage a victim mentality. Now, it is certainly true that sometimes people are victimized. However, when an entire society embraces a pervasive victim mentality, that can be a dangerous attitude in a number of ways.  In particular, a victim mentality can obscure the reality that our actions really do have consequences.