I'm Not Dejected. Really.

I was staring off into space, lost in thought, at the conclusion of today’s final session at a large leadership conference I’m attending.  My thoughts were interrupted when a woman said to me, “Are you alright?”

My mind snapped back to the present.  “Oh, yes.  I’m fine.  Thank you.” I replied.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

Her persistence caused me to start wondering.  Maybe I’m not doing very well and I don’t even know it.  So, I thought about it for a moment—determined that I really was alright—and said, “Yes, I’m alright.”

Very kindly and gently, she said, “Because you looked a little… [she hesitated, and then practically whispered] …a little dejected.”  And she cocked her head and nodded as if to say, “It’s alright.  This is a safe place.”

“No.  Really.  I’m okay.  Thank you for being so caring and concerned.  That’s very nice of you.”  I said.  But even as the words were coming out of my mouth I thought, “You sound like you’re protesting a little too vigorously.  You sound like someone who is hurting but doesn’t want to admit it.”

“Alright.” she said.  And she patted my arm the way you pat someone’s arm when they won’t admit they are hurting.

As we parted ways I had the distinct impression that she thought I was simply denying my true feelings.  In fact, since she was such a thoughtful person I figured, “She probably said a nice little prayer for me as she walked away.”

But you know what?  That’s okay.  I don’t mind someone saying a prayer on my behalf.  In fact, that’s pretty nice.

However, it occurs to me that, perhaps, I need to smile a little bit more.  Apparently, I’m walking around looking dejected and I don’t even realize it.