The Mysterious Cell Phone Curse

Is it possible to be “phone cursed”?

Nevermind, that’s a dumb question.  I’m already sorry I asked it.  But I have had a string of odd problems and accidents with my cell phone and, frankly, I’m bewildered.

Last December, I accidentally dropped my phone into a cup of iced tea.  It was a freak occurrence that ruined the phone.  Although it gave the iced tea an interesting metallic flavor.   I wrote about it previously, you can read the story in my facebook notes or on my blog or you can come to my house and I will tell you all about it while you curl up in a ball on the floor and stare vacantly into space.

My nice phone provider said, “Oh well, accidents happen.  That’s alright, we can replace it.”  And they did.  For a small fee.  Call it a “man-are-you-clumsy” fee.

I was out of town when this happened and by the time I got back home I started noticing that the brand new replacement phone (same model) was having problems.  This was one of those types of phones that the user “slides” to open and access the keyboard for texting and the two halves of the phone that did the sliding literally began to come apart.

So, I went to the phone company and they said, “What?!?  You just replaced this phone a couple of weeks ago and you already want another replacement?”

I said, “But look at it.  It’s coming apart.  I didn’t do this.  It was malfunctioning when I received it.”

They said, “Okay, you’ve got a point…and you’ve got a lovely singing voice, too, so, we’ll give you a free replacement.”  And they did.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the buttons on my phone were not always responding when pressed.  It was inconvenient but I just worked around it.  But then certain necessary buttons were not responding and it got to the point that I couldn’t even operate the phone.  With great reluctance, I went back to the phone store and they said, “Oh come on, not you again.  We just gave you a new replacement phone a couple of months ago!”

I said, “I know, I’m sorry, but look, the buttons don’t work.  I can’t operate the phone.  I didn’t do this.  It just started malfunctioning.”

They were kind and gracious again and they said, “Well, to tell you the truth, we have had other people reporting that same problem with this model.”  So, they made a few calls to see what they could do about getting me a free replacement.  And it worked.  They did get me a replacement.  Same model.

A few days after I received my new replacement model, I had loosened my belt and the phone, in it’s little carrying case, fell from my belt onto the floor in the restroom at Walmart.  Slowly and with great gentleness, I pulled the phone from it’s carrying case and saw that the screen was cracked.  The phone was unusable.  I was heartbroken.

Fortunately, you can get a new heart at Walmart with their “Everyday Low Prices”.

With my head held low, I went back to the phone store, again.  Well, actually I went to a different phone store—same phone company, but different store—because I couldn’t tell the guys at my usual phone store that I only had my current replacement phone for 3 days and I had already broken it.  They would have thought I was a bizarre nutcase (which is probably true, but not for the reasons they think).

The nice lady at the new phone store said, “You know what, we can’t provide a free replacement of this particular model because this is definitely a case of user error and because we don’t have this particular model any longer.”  She went on to say, “Apparently, some guy in the south suburbs of Chicago has broken a whole bunch of these and we simply don’t have any more of them.”

So, she showed me the most “indestructible” phones that they have and I chose a new “indestructible” model.

Hey, I’ve had this new phone for 4 whole days and I haven’t had any strange proble….uh oh…oh no…oh boy.   My neighbor’s pet boa constrictor got loose and found it’s way into my office.  It’s currently wrapped itself around my waist and torso and I just heard a cracking sound from my phone….or was that a rib?  I sure hope it was a rib.

They’re never going to believe this one at the phone store.  By the way, if my phone is cracked by a giant boa constrictor is that a manufacturer’s defect or is that user error?