A Note From Jasper Marler

From time to time I encourage guest writers to share stories on my blog. The following is a submission by Jasper Marler.

As Told By Jasper Marler: 

I was in the backyard yesterday patrolling the area and keeping us safe from any intruders—these people I live with are clueless about the constant danger in which they exist and how I’m continuously protecting them from villains and trouble-makers. Don’t get me wrong, they’re nice folks and I graciously allow them to feed me and pet me and live in my house, but just between you and me, they’re walking around in a bit of a fog (especially the guy with the grey hair). Oh well, what are you gonna’ do, right? Hopefully, in time, they’ll grow and mature, and develop a more refined sense of consciousness.

Anyhoo, that’s when I saw my arch-nemesis the squirrel running across the ground heading for a tree. He was running across the ground! THE GROUND!!! (I’m laughing even as I write this!) What the heck was he thinking?!? Do you see what’s going on here?

I’ll put it this way: A squirrel IN A TREE is in his element—he’s the ultimate acrobat—but ON THE GROUND he’s in mine. It was an amazingly foolish tactical blunder on the part of the squirrel.

He was five yards from the tree when I saw him—taunting me, really—and I took off like a shot. I don’t want to brag, but I’m very fast. (When you get between 20 and 21 hours of sleep each day, you tend to be very well rested and have plenty of energy for those waking hours.)

“What happened?” you ask. 

Well, let’s just say he’s lucky to be alive. He made it, by a fraction of a second. He made it to the tree and escaped. It was close. Oh man, I’m telling you it was very close. That squirrel is either very lucky or very blessed, call it whatever you want to call it. But know this and know it well—particularly any squirrels that may be reading this—you won’t be able to make too many mistakes like that before I have my day.

So, keep it up, squirrels. Keep it up. I’m watching.