Follow Up To: How To Have Difficult Discussions

The comment, below, came as a follow up to the previous post titled, “How To Have Difficult Discussions.”  It is provided here with the consent of the person who posted the comment.

Comment:

I sure appreciate the humor in that comment, but would you agree that some things are better left unsaid? If my opinion is not requested then I assume, in most cases, that it's unwanted. (comments posted on Facebook are an assumed invitation for my opinion-lol!) I also try to think ahead to whether or not there's a positive benefit to me saying something. If the discussion will not result in positive action or response, then it's probably better left alone.

In your line of work, I'd suspect that you're often asked for your opinion and guidance. I imagine one of the hardest things is not that someone would be angered by your words, but that those words would fall on deaf ears and you can only watch that person continue to struggle. Thoughts? (that's me asking for your opinion-hahahaha)

--Nina Russell Korcheck

My Response:

Yes, I agree Nina.  It can depend on the circumstances but, in general, when opinions are not requested it’s often best not to offer our opinions.  When our opinions are not requested they are typically not received, anyhow.

But, again, this really depends on the situation.  In my original post I was referring to those situations where truth genuinely needs to be spoken even though it may be the case that a person does not want to hear the truth.  Ironically this can be an act of great love that winds up being unappreciated or even—in a certain sense—being punished… thus my joke about just leaving town, since that would be much easier.

It’s interesting that you mention my line of work, in this regard.  There have been many, many times when people have come to talk with me and in the course of our time together have never asked for my opinion.  I think it’s possible that sometimes they don’t ask because they assume that they already know what my opinion will be.  So, they talk and I listen, then they tell me, “I feel much better, now” and we’re done.

I think one of the primary factors involved in this topic is that people (this includes all of us) have a hard time really hearing and coming to grips with things that we don’t want to hear.  To face hard truths requires maturity and an admirable amount of self-honesty.

The longer I serve in leadership positions, more impressed I am with people who are willing to graciously, respectfully hear and accept difficult truths.

--Dan Marler

How To Have Difficult Discussions

There are discussions that I need to have with people, occasionally, that will be difficult. I’m pretty certain, before we even speak, that there will be some resistance and defensiveness.  But I also know that the truth needs to be spoken.  The loving thing to do is to speak the truth.  So, I take some deep breaths, I pray and ask for God’s strength and help, and then I move to a new state and begin working at a different church.

Jesus Taught To Change Lives

Here is an excerpt from a fantastic book I’m currently reading…

“Jesus taught to change lives. In the educational system of our day, we tend to think of teaching as the transfer of information. The teacher pours information into the student like pouring water into an empty jug, and the student is evaluated by one thing only: can he parrot back what the teacher said?

“The number one question in any class is (if you’re a teacher you know this), ‘Will this be on the final?’ We all take notes so we can remember until the final exam.

“No one took notes when Jesus taught. Why? Because it is natural to automatically remember what changes our lives. If you were around on 9/11 or when Present John Kennedy was assassinated or when Pearl Harbor got attacked, you remember.”

From, “Who Is This Man?” – John Ortberg

When There's No Point In Talking Anymore

Sometimes a person wants to argue or debate just because they’re ornery and no amount of rational discussion or logic will affect their position.  In this case, it’s probably wise to respectfully excuse yourself from the discussion and go do something more constructive like sit in a dark room with your eyes closed.

Spiritual Leaders Who Don't Really Like Jesus

The Sanhedrin was the religious ruling body during the time of Jesus.  They were comprised of two groups, the Sadducees and the Pharisees.  They were the spiritual leaders.  Interestingly, they didn’t like Jesus.  It seems that people who are “religious”—but their religion is primarily an outward show and not a matter of the heart—don’t tend to like Jesus that much.

Bringing The Light of God

“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matt. 5:15&16.  Thank you for bringing the light of God’s goodness, truth, grace and glory to the people you encounter today!

Speaking The Truth

Even if we speak the truth in loving ways there will still be some who will get upset. Lovingly speak the truth, anyhow.

Jesus Encounters The Woman At The Well, Pt. 1, Never Thirst Again -- Audio Podcast

               Click here for audio!

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What's Really Important?

Jesus often said things to help us put life into a healthy perspective and think about what is really important.  For example, “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?” Matthew 16:26.  The truth this question leads us to is significant.  I humbly challenge us to acknowledge it and embrace it.

I'm Impressed With Walgreens

Wow, I’m impressed with Walgreens.

This is probably going to sound like a commercial and that’s not my intention.  I just find it to be an interesting experience.

Earlier today I was picking up some things at Walgreens and among those items was heartburn medicine.  I’m aware that certain medications—even though they are “over the counter”—are kept in a place where assistance is required from a store employee in order to access them.  I suspect that typically is the case with medications that contain ingredients that are more susceptible to abuse of some kind.

Frankly, I don’t know what ingredients are found in heartburn medications but my uneducated guess is that it’s not something that would be any more dangerous than the hundreds of other medications that are not locked up in the store’s aisles.

I requested assistance for the item in question and a store employee quickly arrived with a key and was able to provide the medication to me.

As I walked out to my car when I left the store, I pondered the heartburn medicines being locked up and I thought it was sort of amusing.  I thought, “Do they really have to lock up that kind of medication?”

So, in my wise-guy fashion, I sent out a Tweet that read:  “Does heartburn medication really have to be kept under lock and key at Walgreens? Is it dangerous for it to fall into the wrong hands?”

I wasn’t actually angry.  Seriously.  The Tweet was more of a joke, in my mind.  I thought I was being fairly clever.

I must admit, I was very surprised when, less than 20 minutes later, I saw a Tweet from something called “Wallgreens Social Care” ( @WAGSocialCare ).  The Tweet was addressed to my Twitter name ( @danmarler ) and it read:  “Sry to hear this. Pls provide store location and your contact info. We can have mgmt address this. Thanks, Pam.”

Walgreens immediately attempted to address the issue raised in my Tweet in order to turn a “complainer” into a satisfied customer.  But my Tweet was—at the most—a mild complaint.  It actually had more to do with me being a wise guy and joking around.

With that in mind, I’m going send a Tweet with a link to this blog post to Pam at Walgreens Social Care.

So Pam, thank you for seeking to help me and for responding so quickly to my Tweet.  I’m surprised.  I’m impressed.  I had no idea that anyone would be tracking such a thing or that anyone would care.  In fact, I always assume that about 99% of my Tweets are never seen by anyone… except God (He sees everything, after all).  Now I feel bad because I was just being a wise guy and trying to amuse myself.  Pam, please don’t feel like you have to call the management of my local Walgreens, they’re doing a fine job.  And you’re doing a fine job, too.  Tell your supervisor I’m recommending that you get a raise.  (In fact, I’ll send him/her a Tweet if that will help…although, come to think of it, my Tweets have been known to stir up trouble.)

Hmm, I think it’s about time for me to go pop one of those heartburn pills.

Experiencing Joy

The Bible tells us that we can experience authentic joy in Christ.  Have you experienced this joy?  That’s my hope and prayer for each of you today.  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

God Can Always Handle The Truth

It’s too bad when anyone falls into patterns of phoniness when it comes to faith in God.  Phoniness is too bad because the Person who matters the most cannot be fooled and, frankly, we don’t need to fool Him because He already knows the whole truth, anyhow.  It’s always good, right and appropriate to simply present the whole truth about who we are to God.  Don’t worry, He can handle it.